Eva Fangoria - Rantification

Over 30 Pounds Lost

2010-12-28T01:31:00.000-08:00

In January 2010 my cousin posted a picture of me online that I absolutely was mortified by. I was FAT. I was in absolute denial about it prior but it was a waking moment seeing the photo of my stomach rolls popping out the top of my pants! I am 5'3" and I was wearing a size 11 pants. I have no business in a size 11...I'm not 5'8"!

I chose a date I would cut the bullshit and the fat and start working on ME. I picked April 1, 2010 to become vegetarian. I wasn't really losing anything at that point. I was still piling on butter, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, yogurt, etc onto my food for flavor. In June I took up jogging. I was jogging about a mile or a mile and a half three times a week or more, and walking a lot too. I began to see a difference. I decided to take it further and go to a PETA event and "gross myself out" and it really did work. I haven't had any animal products in my food since July 3, 2010.

Now, I'm in a size 4 pants. I look at my size 11s that I hadn't thrown away and can't believe how big they look to me.

I have set a new goal and now that I'm not working 2 jobs (my season job is over) I will begin to jog again. I'm hoping for a fit 2011.

Dani Campbell

2010-06-11T18:50:00.000-07:00

Where in the world is Dani Campbell?

A few years back I was drawn to the Tila Tequila MTV show: A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I remember Tila Nguyen as a teenaged import model back in the late 1990s or early 2000s and even written her an email back then because she used to blog her ass off back then about non-important things, but still quite entertaining.

So when I heard she was getting her own show on MTV I was like holy shit...nuh-uh! I made sure to tune in and even record on DVR so I would not miss a show. It was about Tila finding a love romance, but also revealing to the world and to her contestants that she is bisexual. Each week someone would get booted off the show till there were 2 people standing (female and male). The last people standing was Bobby Whatshisface? and Dani Campbell.

Dani Campbell was hot on the scene after the show ended and she was not picked. The world loved her. She was creative, competitive, natural, an out-lesbian and compassionate. To watch her get her feelings hurt after all the competing was painful as we (the viewers all knew) that she "should have won." It was a shocker.

Later on, after Tila gets dumped by Bobby prior to New Years Day (not much after the last episode on television), Tila writes on her blog that she loves Dani and MTV told her to pick Bobby. Meanwhile Dani's a super-hot chick in the Lesbian scene, on tour around the country, selling her Futch tshirts (Futch is a combo of the terms Femme and Butch) and hosting concerts and events...flying home for the weekends to firefight and be a paramedic. What a life! That sounds like fun, 2 days of work, a tshirt line and partying!

Anyway, a few years has rolled by and Dani, although still having her Myspace Page doesn't seem to be as talked about in the straight and Dani-gay (people who were straight till Dani came on the scene and they started questioning their sexuality) scene, and she doesn't blog as much anymore. In one interview on Youtube, she had mentioned she used to have about 300 friends, it went up to 140,000 during the course and end of Shot at Love, and now she doesn't sign in as much (someone else does for her to answer her emails and keep people updated). She popped up on Facebook circa January 2010, when everybody started to ditch their Myspace accounts for Facebook. Still, not much info. I'd like to see Dani with her own reality show; more than a tshirt line (sell pants, jackets, shoes and neckties too), and perhaps get herself a music studio of her own since Miss Dani blew people away with her writing and rap skills and put Bobby in his dork-corner.

Dani's Rap to Tila Tequila

[Talking to Tila]
Hey Tila, you know,
you really been fucking with my head bitch
so I just had to let you know
this is how it is
in my world

[Hard Rapping]
When I came on this trip I didn't expect much
I thought I'd come here with a bunch of sluts
I thought I'd get drunk and maybe hooked up
but whoda thought that I'd fall in love

When I came on this trip I didn't expect much
I thought I'd come here with a bunch of sluts
I thought I'd get drunk and maybe hooked up
but whoda thought that I'd fall in love

[Rap]
I came into your house for a pool par-tay
and then you pulled a big ole trick on me
you told me that you weren't just freakin' gay
you told me that you swang both ways

ah shit

how could you do this to me
now I felt like maybe I should flee
like LALA
she just couldn't handle it
but ima stick around even if it's against a dick

and when I'm done
i'm gonna be your number one
and we're gonna have so much freakin fun
and i'm gonna love you more than these cunts
i wanna be the only one
to rock your world
let me show you my gun ..hey

Oh where in the world is Dani Campbell?

"Fat Planet"

2010-05-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today, on my way to work, I was confronted by the older man across the street. He said, "Do you have a minute?" I said, "It depends, because I am on my way to work." He said, "It's about your older son. He has been picking on my older granddaughter and saying some really derogatory things." I was like, "MY OLDER ONE?" He said, "Yes." I said, "He's my quiet one...I'm really surprised. He's not allowed to talk like that. I'll be right back and have his dad handle it." He said, "Would you like me to stick around." I said, "I will have my husband talk to my son and then they will come over to your house and talk to you." So, I ran back in the house and made it short and my husband blew up.

My son said, "It's not true." My husband said, "WHY would he make that up?"

Then, my son starts explaining that another kid that rides the school bus saw the girl carrying a painting of the planet Uranus. She had asked the girl, "What is that?" The girl said, "A planet." The bully said, "Oh, you drew a picture of yourself. You're a fat planet." My son burst out laughing after he heard that.

The little girl started to cry and kicked a newspaper like a football right into my son. My son picked up the newspaper and threw it into a tree and said, "What the heck?"

So, the discipline was a serious talk about what is appropriate, practicing laughing in your head, and apologizing tomorrow in front of me at the bus stop, when I see the girl who hasn't come outside since she went home crying. The little girl is overweight, but my son is not stick-thin either, so he really has no room to talk, and the girl that made the nasty comment definitely has no room to talk...she's a 6ft tall 5th grader who's overweight herself.

Birthday Party Road Rage?

2010-02-02T08:23:00.001-08:00

I was on my way to a birthday party with Bubba yesterday evening. We left our home at 4pm and would arrive by 5pm at Chuck E. Cheese. It was rush-hour-traffic, California, and on a side-street. There were only 2 lanes.

I was driving North on Euclid when I noticed a big 18 wheeler in a 3rd lane (left hand turn lane) but he was taking up my lane as well. He was diagonal. I ended up sitting behind him and was looking at my right side view mirror waiting on all the cars to pass me by so I could switch lanes.

I thought all the cars had passed so I began to turn my wheels to the right and veer. Suddenly, I saw a little black car pass and I got scared and did NOT go in because I would have hit them and it would have been my fault. Thank god for that.

So, they pass, and I pull out right behind them and follow them to the next red light. At the red light, the girl in the passenger seat, with an overly made-up Vietnamese face turns around and hard and cold stared at me in my face. I'm typically the type to turn my face away, but instead I stared back at her. I didn't flinch or look away first. She looked away, made a comment to her Guido-haired boyfriend who was driving and I continued to watch them in there car in front of me. She then turned back around and stared me down again. I stared back, not intimidated in the least. But, this time she would not take her eyes off and it began to feel uncomfortable and pretty fucking stupid to play a damn staring contest with some dumb KID. I'm a 32 year old woman.

So, to break the ice because now she's starting to piss me off, I raise my hands up in that basic "WHAT?" universal sign language for stop freakin staring unless you wanna be like Michael Jackson and "Wanna be startin' something."

She then turns her face and says something to her boyfriend. He adjusts his mirror and looks at me and I look right into his mirror at his little beady Asian eyes (I can say that, I'm Asian). Then I begin to look up at the light as I lose interest and am only thinking about my kid in the back seat, who's seatbelt looks rather tight on him.

The light turns green.

They drive at a snail's pace and since there's so much traffic, I continue driving behind them. Then the guy pulls out of the lane into the lane on my right, and I pull into the lane on my left as the road opens up into three lanes. He then crosses over 2 lanes to get behind me and follow me. Now, if it was just the girl trying to intimidate me, I might have pulled over at the next safe exit and got out and snatched her by her fucking hair and beat that little bitch's ass. I was raised hood and can get hood. Bitches don't know.

However, I have no clue who these people are, and it's just me and my five year old and I'm not about to have a man hold me down while his retarded ass little bitch beats me in front of my kid or anything remotely fascinating like being shot in the face in front of my child.

So, I'm driving and rather over it, thinking maybe he's just driving behind me. I don't give them the time of day, yet they are tailgating me and I begin to slow my truck down so they would want to pass me or hit me so I can sue them for bumper damage as their entire front end gets crushed into the back of my Suburban that has withstood a couple accidents without so much as a scratch or tiny dent when everybody else gets a nasty crush and crack. The guy moves over to my right and is driving along side me, the side where my kid is and my son's face is obviously showing, so I roll my son's window up for him with my handy-dandy button. I turn my music up just in case, which is playing Lady Gaga "Just Dance" while the guy wants to holler at my car or continue BEEPing his pathetic pussy Honda Civic horn. I drive American! A horn is supposed to sound like HONK HONK.

While I'm driving, I find an opportunity to switch lanes and veer over to my right which is their favorite lane for the moment. The guy moves lanes and gets in the lane to my left, and there's a slow-moving brown minivan. I adjust my rear-view mirror as I change my posture in the truck. The guy is in the lane beeping his horn like a dumbass and I'm situated channel surfing. I felt sorry for the guy in front of him who may have thought he was being honked at.

I was pretty amused. But they followed me about 6 miles. I kept thinking I know where all the police departments are, and if I have to, I will happily drive right up to one right by their front door and get assistance because I really don't have time for that shit. Seriously, I didn't run these dumbasses off the road. I didn't cut them off. I didn't hit them. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THEIR PROBLEM, that I raised my hands up because the dumb FOB was staring at me?

Doctors Doctors Doctors

2010-01-16T10:29:00.001-08:00

I've been to the doctor's 3 times this month. Before I begin, I must say I do not enjoy having a doctor in Little Saigon. I think, culturally, people clash with me. They stare when I don't speak Vietnamese, as I am expected because of the brown hair and slanty eyes. I took my son with me the first day and a 6 year old boy with little Matchbox cars walked up to me and my son and said, "He don't live here." I just looked at him pokerfaced and waited for him to continue so I could blast on this 6 year old. And then he said, "He got dark skin. He don't live here. Everybody have white skin in here. They live here." I looked at this kid's mom and said rather loudly, "HE is MY son, and HE does LIVE here." Okay, so I didn't go off like I wanted to. I was being an adult about it.

I went in that day and was diagnosed with Urticaria (fancy word for hives, fancy word for a severe case of itchy RASH).

The following week, which was this past Thursday, I went in for a PAP and Blood Test. My son came down with a rash and has had a cough since December, so I made my husband come so he could watch my son while I got my PAP. Like polite "Americans" we waited on everybody else, who seemed to be in a line or in a group around the front office window. After the group dispersed, my husband went to the window and the lady in the office was still kind of busy doing some paperwork. She was just about to help him, when this old Vietnamese man spoke over my husband's shoulder to the lady in the office and she responded to him and was HELPING him rather than my husband.

As soon as the guy left, my husband said to the office lady, "Wow, that was rude." She said, "What?" He said, "I was standing right here, and you looked right over my shoulder and helped the man behind me. So do you have to be Vietnamese to be a priority patient here?" I was like, "Oh god, he's going to blow a fuse." I got up and went over to talk. I know it's rude, but culturally people may treat elderly first, language first, and who knows, what if the man had an appointment?

So, I finally got in and they had me urinate in a cup. Mind you, I had been fasting all night, and am hypoglycemic, so it was really taking a lot out of me to wait this long just to pee (we waited a good hour or from 11am appointment time to 12pm+ getting in to urinate). I gave my urine sample to the phlebotomist or nurse assistant. She said, "Go to room 3." I went in and all the PAP stuff was ready, but I wasn't sure if I should get undressed.

I got undressed. Then, I remembered I needed my blood drawn and got re-dressed, went back over to her, and said, "Do you want me to do my blood test now? Or do you want me to undress for the PAP test?" She said, "Go ahead and do the PAP first. After, come to me."

I got my PAP and breast exam (I guess that's thrown in with the PAP). She checked my head and neck to see if I had still had infection on my head from my hives. The infection is gone, the hives are still there. I was told to keep taking my pills, and to keep putting my scalp treatment on.

And then she says, "Okay, you can get dressed and go home."

Being hypoglycemic, slightly disoriented and only thinking about FOOD, I heard, "GO HOME," and completely forgot about my blood test.

I ate. I ate, ate, ate. And then I remembered my blood test. I called them to make an appointment and they said, "You can come in Saturday, no appointment necessary. Just walk in. It's first come, first serve."

I woke up EXTRA early today. Went to the gas station to fill my tank up SOME (gas prices are ridiculous, especially for a Suburban). I drove to the doctor's office, and there were about 8 people standing outside the clinic chit-chatting amongst themselves. There was no line, but in my effort to start one by standing still for a long period of time facing the building ON a line, new patients driving in would walk around me and hound the door. I was huffing and puffing, shifting my weight, crossing my arms, shaking my head and mumbling about how RUDE people are.

When the front office lady walked up to the door, NOBODY formed a line. As soon as the door opened, some fucker pushed me aside and walked FAST around everybody and ran to the sign in sheet.

I made sure to make it a point at the window, loud enough for others to hear when it was my turn to sign in that, "You really should have a line painted on the ground outside and perhaps a sign as well telling WEEKEND people they need to stand on it as it is a first come first served business. It is not fair for people who have stood outside 45 minutes waiting to see a doctor and someone who drives up, jumps out of the passenger side of a car, runs in to the office past everybody else and signs in first. That's RUDE. Oh, and I am here because YOU GUYS FORGOT my blood test this past Thursday. I don't know how long it will be, but I have to get to work." I was the 4th person called out of the 15 or so people ahead of me and they didn't charge me a copay.

They had to draw my blood with a butterfly needle. I guess over the last few years of being a massage therapist, the veins are getting hidden further deeper in my arms or something, and they are raised higher in my hands. It hurts more that way, but it gets the job done. Last time a nurse used a butterfly needle it was because some moron phlebotomist inserted a needle into a hole she already drew blood from previously for my diabetes test. The nurse made sure to chew out the phlebotomist in front of me. She then lectured me, "Don't you EVER let someone draw blood out of a hole they've already drawn blood from. It's YOUR body, don't EVER let anybody do things to you that you know is wrong." I said, "I had no idea it was wrong...I thought she knew what she was doing." The nurse said, "It IS wrong."

Dress Blues

2010-01-07T00:48:00.000-08:00

My husband's ex-wife kept EVERYTHING and then trashed it. I swear, what did she need with his medals? His music equipment? His dress blues? She didn't any of that.

Anyway, it's bothered me over the years that my husband looks out of place when we go to Marine Corps events (mostly weddings and funerals). He never can pay his respects in uniform. I'm not into the military, but I know that sometimes for brotherhood or comradery reasons you want to dress the part and be respectful.

He may not have many medals. He may not have a lot of stripes. But, he is proud of his accomplishments in the Marine Corps. He was in the Navy Reserves, but he was a jarhead first.

I was looking for brand new dress blues and they are like $700 and up. I'm like holy crap. I could buy a few new regular wardrobes and a purse and groceries for that much. He thought it was stupid to go and order medals from Marine Corps websites, because he said he earned his medals and wouldn't want to buy them. I'm like what the hell is the difference? His were trashed from his previous relationship.

I was on Ebay and they have all kinds of medals (some are Vietnam Vet or collector items), but the basic stuff I wanted to get him is on there too, and I was so tempted. I found dress blues his size for $60 without the bid. I wanted to buy it on the spot tonight, but instead sent him links.

AND FOR OTHER STUFF...
I got this sick rash, infection, thing on my skin that's been festering since before Christmas, but it seemed to specifically be on the back of my head making me think I had dandruff or psoriasis or something not harmful. I got T-Gel and it seemed to momentarily work, and then the itch would be back. I then started itching on my neck and upper back, thinking oh maybe it's an allergic reaction to my bedding or a bed-bug or something equally creepy like mites. So, all my laundry got rewashed...to no avail. Today, I took a bath, thinking, "Maybe I'm just DRY and need to moisturize." I ran hot water to open my pores up and poured Vitamin E oil into my bathwater to soak up. I felt good as long as I was in the water, but I noticed when I got out I had red dots on my skin. I then thought, "Oh crap could I have chickenpox?" But, I've had them before. I've had shingles in the past, but shingles hurt and didn't itch. This evening, I was itchier than ever, went to the bathroom to look at my body in better lighting, and holy smokes, I had welts the size of dimes on my abdomen and some on my arms. I'm going to the doctor in the morning. It looks like a cross between hives and chickenpox, and I got it in my hair, all around my neck, on my jaw-line, on my back, down my chest, on my arms, torso and thighs. It itches so bad. I'd rather stab myself in the gut harakiri-style than itch like this.

I am losing sleep over this crap.

2010

2010-01-04T08:29:00.001-08:00

There will be a LOT of changes in 2010.

1) I am already sick of working where I work. I can't take being a half-n-half. It doesn't make any sense to sign an "employee-like contract" when you are an independent contractor.

2) I will be hitting the DELETE button on "real life" people. If I make an effort and you don't, then fuck you and good-bye. I don't have time and energy to waste on you. This will include losing contact with you OVERALL. Can't call me? Fuck you. Can't show up? Fuck you. Can't write me back? Fuck you. And if I haven't been making the effort, I guess that means fuck you and good-bye as well. It already started.

3) I will focus more on MYSELF and making money. I have ideas and need to write all my goals and plans down. Get myself networking, and get organized. It's time to support my man's career path as well. Whatever he does is for the greater-good for the both of us.

4) Take care of my health. January is my start, since my medical insurance kicks in this month.

5) Start my daughter's college savings.

6) Get my kids into a program.

7) Begin working out with my husband and his trainer. Fuck that fat-roll I saw in my new picture that my cousin took of me. Yuck.

8) Stop allowing Gossip. Stop being involved in it. Stop repeating it.

9) Toss out my clothes and get new ones BEFORE Spring Cleaning.

10) Spend more time at home. Which brings me back to number 1. L

Bye-Bye Gstrings and Thongs

2009-12-22T14:35:00.001-08:00

I got my first thong when I was 16. It was gold colored, and I remember rocking it in high school and thinking I was so grown and sexy in my senior year, especially during PE dress-out. I kept thinking how immature the cotton briefs were with the little lace trim on the other girls' underwear.

Over the years I have had my asscrack chafed by thongs, sitting at a desk and feeling it scratch my buttcrack, and it would hurt even more when I pulled it out. Yep, but they looked cute. Once a woman told me, "It hurts to be beautiful."

Fastforward to 2009. I read an article online about the dangers of wearing a thong or g-string. They have caused yeast infections, rashes, chafed skin, urinary tract infection and other nastiness like strange odor due to dragging your butt germs into your vulva area.

I was like OH HELL NO.

So, I have tossed all my thongs in the trash. Yep, yes I did. I went out and bought big mama drawers and bikini briefs, nice and pretty colors and healthy for the CAT. I won't be picking my panties out of my crack in public places, won't be squirming in my seat because my buttcrack is hurting, and not going to worry about my panty lines. If you don't like them, don't look.

Rude Shoppers

2009-12-10T17:06:00.000-08:00

I came to work 3 minutes early. I clocked in, went to the front, my register wasn't ready, so they sent me to do "go-backs" (the stuff that gets taken back to the shelves that customers didn't want or items that got misplaced). I was balancing a 6 foot Douglass Fir christmastree box on one shoulder and had a fat box with a lighted snowman in it balancing on my left hip and held by my left arm.

This totally inconsiderate shopper, stops me, then asks me to help her find some clear wrapping paper because she looked through all papers and can't find any. I'm like HELLO!!? Do you NOT see that I have a tree on my shoulder and a big box in my arm? So, I told her to stick around, hold her thought and I'd be right back. I put the tree away, put the snowman away, and went to help her. Guess what, she disappeared. Apparently, stopping me in my tracks wasn't rude enough, but she disappeared. I found her, led her to some clear wrapping paper because she really did not browse through ALL the paper like she said she had. Yet, she stops and starts talking about how these placemats are so cute, and yadda yadda. I'm thinking, come the hell on, I have other things to do than stand around here talking about how cute these ugly placemats are.

I have also witnessed some "sign readers" (something I just came up with) that tend look for signs and misread them, bring products to the register and say, "It says on the sign that everything on the shelf is 30% off." If I ring something up and it says FULL PRICE then it is NOT 30% off, no matter what the sign says, because sometimes things get misplaced by customers. If you pick up a candle that is Fresh-Linen scented, and the sign says, "All Holiday Candles 30% off" that does not mean the Linen candle is 30% off ya dummy, that means the candle next to it, that smells like a pine tree, or colored like a candy-cane, or has a gingerbread man on the tin, then that is a Holiday Candle. I swear people are drinking Moronade.

Our store is once again moved around. All the Christmas shelves that had big dents in them from shoppers have now been emptied and compressed onto smaller shelves. The bigger shelves now are emptied and have hooks on the walls, and have Spring items all over them such as garden tools, wind chimes, garden gnomes, and suncatchers. Well, gnomes are gnomes, not little Christmas elves or some European Santa Clauses. I could scream at how many times I have had to say, "These are not Christmas items. These are spring and garden decor." Fairies squatting over a birdbath are not Christmas angels over a candy dish people!

A man found a stuffed animal penguin and a Christmas bag. He put the penguin in it and brought it to my register. The penguin was $10. She found it in the front of our store with all the clearance items. There were other stuffed dolls and things on this table and the sign says, "Elmo $7." Okay, Elmo and Penguin are not the same thing. I don't care if you found it on the Elmo shelf, it's not Elmo. It's like go back to elementary school, put on your thinking caps and get with the program people. If the sku number on the product you picked up doesn't match the sku number on the shelf, it is not going to be the price you want it for. It will be the price our computers says it is.

How many Christians lie or cheat during Christmas shopping or deny the truth! It's pathetic how christmas is so commercialized and people will put up a fight to get what they want and when they want it...

In the words of Charlie Brown, "Good grief!"

Linda from Intervention

2009-12-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

I may get handed a hell ticket on my death bed by some dark entity one day for laughing my ass off at someone's disorder or perhaps her addiction to Fentanyl stacked with having a mental disorder. I decided to catch Intervention on Television last night. It was an episode about a Chinese-American woman named Linda who is addicted to Fentanyl Lollipops. She rubs them into her cheek to absorb it into her mucus membranes. She claims she has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which is a disorder that causes your joints to dislocate.

It all started when she was on set in Hollywood (she allegedly was in over 200 television shows and movies) as an extra. She said her knee dislocated as she was walking and she was like WTF? And every 2nd step she would dislocate again. So she went to the doctor and was prescribed drugs. Over the next 6 years or so she was progressively getting worse and was needing Fentanyl; which became a problem. She uses it 8 or more times a day to numb the pain. Later on, the other pain she has is being a slave for her Chinese parents' laundry mat as a child!

However, they showed her dancing all crazy-retarded in front of the mirror in her boxer shorts like Cameron Diaz in her panties in Charlie's Angels. Her joints were not dislocating then. While in her bed, she lies down on her back and spreads her legs wide, pointing her feet into the air and splits them a couple times (she does this repeatedly through the show making it all the more entertaining).

Later she's outside walking past some fuschia flowers claiming they make her joints hurt and dislocate. She can't stand when her parents call her from Connecticut because the electro-magnetic fields in Connecticut do something to her in her Agoura Hills, California home that cause her to hurt all over and eventually dislocate.

Her poor brother Sam is stuck slaving for this woman, cleaning up after her hoarding trash, clothes and shit like that. The funny part is when he's trying to move her Wienerschnitzel bag onto the table from, I believe, another bed. She says, "No, because I can't make left turns." He said, "You can't make left turns?" LOL She said, "No, it hurts if I make left turns." So he's like, "Then make 3 right turns."

Later on, her parents come to California and her dad calls from his hotel room. Linda flips the hell out and is like, "NO!!" She explains to the cameras that her parents will bring Connecticut's electrical static and stuff to California; that Connecticut is a smaller state, with less people to absorb the electricity, thus causing her joints to dislocate and hurt like hell...as she twists a Fentanyl lollipop in her cheek and thrust her head and back backward.

She then comes to the hotel to confront her parents. Her mother is preparing to do an interview in a banquet hall. Linda is banging on the locked door.

To make a funny hour long show short, the family begin their intervention preparation. A doctor comes in and explains what Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is and what the symptoms are and that the flowers, Connecticut, left-turns, being near her brothers, cell phones and stuff do NOT cause your bones to dislocate. Her mother was so sympathetic to Linda that she was having a hard time believing everybody else. One of the sons is like, "Then we are wasting our time..." They explain to the mother she has to be TOUGH. She seems to understand.

The parents have spent half a million dollars to support their daughter's issues, such as buying her a special bed, a jacuzzi, a dental chair which she used like twice. They should have invested in a dentist, because 70% of her teeth have fallen out of her mouth due to drug use.

Intervention day...
The family is gathered in the hotel. Linda comes down to her "final interview" and doesn't know she's about to face an intervention. When she gets in she sees her whole family there and one of her brother's is blocking the door. She's afraid of all the static electricity in the room and is freaking the f*** out again. Screaming, cussing, cussing, screaming. Finally, her brother touches her and she SCREAMS and starts running.

She goes straight to her minivan. Her brother comes up to prevent her from locking herself in. She climbs out the sunroof, down the hood, and starts running. So much for dislocating bones syndrome. One of her brothers tackles her like he's playing football. She agrees to listen to the letters her family wants to read.

They do the intervention on the lawn outside. She pardons herself and faces them all, grabs the inner part of her shorts, and starts spreading her legs in front of everybody, pushing her legs out sideways while her feet are pointed in the air. Apparently she was fixing a dislocation. LOL

Her dad goes on about how having a daughter is like the beauty of the sky and clouds, being all metaphoric and crap...it was cute though. He says he wants her to get treatment. She was like, "Nobody believes me...only mom believes me. Huh mom? Tell 'em mom...tell 'em what your opinion of my pain is." So her mom starts forgetting what the doctor said and is like, "Yeah, Linda's pain...blah blah yadda yadda..." They drag the mom away.

Linda leaves to San Diego for her rehab. Come to find out she has a valid mental disability called "Delusional Disorder" and she's off the Fentanyl pops. I wonder what they will prescribe for Delusional Disorder. WTF

The Fat Family Across the Street

2009-11-17T08:36:00.001-08:00

I don't have anything against fat people, but I have everything against LAZY people. I swear, I have lived on and off across the street from some woman for the last 20 years, who I have only seen about 5 times. One year, my mom saw her as she went over to deliver a Christmas gift and the woman happened to be sitting on her couch, with her daughter putting her mother's clothes on for her. My mom said the woman's leg was wider than her daughter's body. Okay, back then I thought, "Oh she has a medical condition, causing her to become the way she is."

*loud buzz*
WRONG

Years ago her husband was an average "fat" size, not extremely overweight and still durable, but now he waddles when he walks and looks like he's about 18 months pregnant. He doesn't work in his yard as much, but he seems to be the breadwinner in his household, so he is WORKING outside, thus he's not sitting around getting fat as fast as his wife.

They have 3 grandkids that are close to my 2 younger kids' age. I remember when 2 of the kids were toddlers. They were normal sized. The mother was always kind of big, but nothing extreme. She's actually still that way, which is great. Her husband, a former Marine, is fat. He let himself go when he wasn't working anymore, because being an active Marine means you need to be in shape. I have NEVER seen a fat active Marine before.

I consider him lazy.

The mother has a sister who's always been normal-fat too. She has no kids, and I hardly ever see her. She works a lot apparently or goes to school or something. She's been chunky all her life.

Now on to September this year. The first 2 days of school, the family drove their children to school. Their 2 daughters are OBESE, 2nd chin (or one huge one that blends in with their neck), rolls on their backs, pug faces, waddle when they walk and all. I was thinking, "How cute," when I first saw them. The little brother is SKINNY. It has me baffled, because everybody else is fat. The kids never come outside to play, but when they do, it's for literally 15 minutes of riding their bikes and then they go in through their garage and go back in their house for the rest of the day.

I figured it's the first 2 days of school, of course some parents are going to want to drive their kids, especially if their kids are new to the neighborhood. Remember, their father is a former Marine, and so they have lived in other places, and did not grow up in our neighborhood. They only came back "home" because the father and mother were out of jobs wherever they were.

Well, the third day of school, the mom piled her kids up into her car, and I thought she was going to drive them to school. No, she drives them to the bus stop. WTF? The bus stop is literally 2 minutes away on foot. I was thinking, "Well, maybe she's being shy and feels safer in her car, or maybe she has to go to work right after?" That wasn't it, because she drove her butt back home.

If she and I walk out of our houses at the same exact time (and we have), my kids will be at the bus stop before her kids are even buckled up in their seat belts. I don't get it. The kids aren't so cute to me anymore because it's now making me realize that they probably have thick arteries and on their way to early diabetes. And the whole family now gets on my nerves. Not because they are fat, but because the adults are all lazy as hell.

Now, the mom doesn't even drive her kids to the bus stop anymore. She waits till 8:20am to leave the house...giving her 10 minutes to drive the kids to school. LAZY. I bet she's hitting that snooze button all morning or thoroughly enjoying a big lardy breakfast all morning. I really think her kids need to walk to the bus stop and she needs to get her ass up in the morning to make sure they get there.

Signing off.

OMG, they are leaving right now for school and it's 8:31...LATE...
Okay, really signing off.

My Bad, I Shoulda Kept My Mouth Shut

2009-11-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

The girls at work keep teasing me now that I told them about a dream I had at work about another co-worker!

I had about 3 hours spaced between clients and said I'd be lying down if they wanted to book me an appointment. I started off on my back and then flipped over and was laying on the massage table, as if I was getting a massage (arms hanging on the side, face in face cradle). My music was playing and I was meditating.

I went into a deep sleep, straight to REM and then started dreaming about Ricardo. I dreamt he was giving me a massage on my back and that I was telling him that his hands were heaven and like I was being lulled to sleep like when you rock a baby. He and I had this long conversation and then I felt like I was falling asleep in my sleep.

In my dream he told me that the massage was now over and that we needed to get ready to leave because it was late. Instead of waiting for me, he left. I was moving fast trying to clean the table up, turn off my lamp, and music. But my music wouldn't stop playing. I took my cd out of the player and it kept playing my music anyway.

I was getting upset and Ricardo was sitting in his car waiting to go. I was mad that the cd player wouldn't turn off. Then I dropped a bunch of my hot stones onto the floor and for some reason there were about 500 marbles on the floor too that I needed to pick up.

I woke up.

Now the girls are all teasing me about some rub down Ricardo gave me that I supposedly fantasized about. Ack.

Experian - "Free Credit Report" is NOT FREE

2009-11-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

Business has been slow, and I'm an independent contractor, so I really PENNY PINCH in times like this. I knew I had some chump change in my bank account today, and went to check my bank statement to find I had ANOTHER PENDING TRANSACTION.

I clicked to see who was taking my money and it said, "Experian Direct." WTF I don't recall buying an account with them. I called my bank to dispute it and they put it into fraud, telling me they will cancel my debit card.

I called Experian and the bitches there were like, "You signed up for a FREE TRIAL. After 7 days you will be charged." I said, "I signed up for a free credit report back in January. I have since changed debit cards, changed checks, etc." She said, "Well we update information automatically by your social security number. You've been successfully paying us since January after your free trial period was over." I was shocked. I never realized I was being charged. I told her, "I've not once received a receipt from your company, or emails or mail to remind me to check this account that you say I bought. ALL the other companies I have automatic bill-pay with send me receipt of a transaction. I think what you guys are doing should be ILLEGAL."

I then pulled up the website www.experian.com and looked at it and read it all back to her, the information I saw. She goes, "Look at the grey box on the bottom of the site. In fine print it says it's a TRIAL." I said, "Who is going to look at that when it lures you in with a big fat yellow button? Don't you think the fine print should be where the button is, or at least on the next page after you click the button?" She said, "That's NOT my problem you didn't read the whole page before you clicked the trial button."

Oh Hell, I hate things with lots of legs.

2009-11-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

I went to the beach. It's still beach weather here in California. It was the first time I've been to the beach in October, in the day time and walked in the water in about 30 years. I swear I don't think I've ever done that.

Anyway, I went rock picking. There were so many washed up on shore, along with really cool shells (I did not take any). I took my kids near some little tidepools that I never knew existed in Huntington Beach (between Life Guard Tower 8 and 9). See, I'm deathly afraid of bugs (which include animals that look like bugs like Crabs and tadpoles and things like that). So, I was walking along the beach, on the outside of a little tidepool and noticed a beautiful shell in the water.

There were lots of people around me, at least close enough to hear me SCREAM bloody murder when I picked up that beautiful shell and noticed LEGS with CLAWS hanging out of it. I'm so wrong for it, but I threw that mofo hard on the sand and his leg broke. I wasn't trying to delibrately kill it, but I was scared shitless and my natural reaction was to drop it hard.

Later on, I picked it up by the shell and the crab slipped right out. My kids had encased a real crab (the kind that looks like a spider with a red shell and legs and stuff, the kind people eat) in a small "pool" they made. A woman was checking out their little crab, when I had brought the shell over. She was eyeing that shell because it was so pretty, and I gave it over to her. I was just rock picking.

I will never again grab a shell off the sand unless I know for a fact it does not have a body inside of it. OMG that scared the daylights out of me and I was no longer comfortable walking in the tidepools.

*shivers*

My Kid Cracks Me Up

2009-10-19T00:57:00.001-07:00

I had just read a book about Race and Color to my son. It's a kid's book titled "All the Colors We Are."

Afterward, I asked him what Color he was, and he said, "Brown." I said, "What are you?" He said, "American." I said, "What color is Grandma?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "Grandma's a different color brown. What is Grandma?" He said, "Japanese." I said, "No she's not. She's Korean!" He said, "Oh yeah I forgot."

At school he has been establishing his first relationships outside the house. He has become rather "popular" among the boys AND girls in his class. The boys want to play with him. The girls want to hit him...or color with him. He likes to play "Zombie Tag." I asked him what "Zombie Tag" was and he said, "I act like a zombie that will eat them and the kids scream and run away to the slide and all over the playground."

So, then Friday after I got home from work, I asked him how school was. He said, "Brian's not my friend anymore. He said I'm mean." I said, "Why did he say that?" He said, "Because I didn't give him my gray crayon. But it's ok, because now Jude is my BEST friend. We played with the puppets together." Every day, he has a new "Best Friend."

I asked him, "What girls do you like to play with?" He said, "None of them. Girls are not cool, but Angelina is the prettiest." I started laughing and said, "So who's the ugliest?" He said, "Elizabeth." I said, "Why is that?" He said, "She's just ugly all over her face."

Don't You Feel Like Crying?

2009-09-16T02:10:00.000-07:00

On September 13th, I was at Target with my husband and my youngest son. They disappeared off into the Electronics section and I took off to Music and Books. I stopped by the Soundtrack section in Music and found Dirty Dancing Soundtrack. I just wanted to look at the cover, but I was really looking for the soundtrack for TrueBlood tv show. I remember vividly the moment I got that Dirty Dancing cassette tape back in 1989. "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen and "Do You Love Me" and "In the Still of the Night" were my favorites off that soundtrack. They still are. My friend Rebecca's mom had made a comment that I was too young to like such oldies. I was about 11 years old. To me, they weren't Old songs. It was the first time I was hearing those songs and I got those songs from a movie I so very much loved.

Then on September 14th, 2009 I decided to look up Patrick Swayze on Google, because I was thinking about him. I'm not a die-hard Swayze fan (I tried to sit through Roadhouse and it just annoyed the crap out of me; and I almost like Ghost), but he made my all-time favorite movie, "Dirty Dancing." I know the movie word for word, scene for scene and all the errors in between. The stories I found on Patrick Swayze were tabloids from other countries like the UK and India with an image of Patrick Swayze being wheeled out of a hospital a few days ago and it said, "Patrick Swayze leaves hospital to die at home." I couldn't find an article on it in the US, so I didn't think anything of it.

Today, September 15th, I decided to check my Twitter account. The most popular topic was, "RIP Patrick Swayze." I'm like WTF. So, I Googled Patrick Swayze, and then hit NEWS at the top of the screen. Lo and Behold he had passed on the 14th. But, news hadn't gotten around till the morning.

I'm so very much saddened by it. Something about Patrick Swayze always seemed sweet, perhaps it was his long time love with his wife Lisa Niemi, or his love for animals, or the fact he always stayed true to himself. I don't know what it is, but I know that I feel sad that such a great person is passed, and his life partner is now "single." I wish his family and friends my condolences.

Don't you feel like crying? I do.

I had to edit this. The reason I believe I should have taken it as a sign is because prior to deaths of people I'm close with I tend to dream or experience deep thoughts of them, or have synchronicity happen that remind me of them. I also did this with my dad's death. I don't know where these almost-premonitions come from, but I wish I could pay attention or be a little bit more in-tune with myself and my psyche. I actually feel very melancholy.

First Day of School, LITERALLY

2009-09-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

I am not a traditional Mommy-Mom. I work full time, hardly take them out to do fun stuff, and am the primary disciplinarian when I get home, and don't have time for the whining and tears. I don't cook them dinner on the daily (I'm at work in the evening). I'm just like my damned Dad was. And I have the most well-behaved kids I know of when it comes down to respecting others outside our home, not being obnoxious, no whining in public or tantrums, and to boot they get good grades, and still find a way to eat.

Now as far as the cutting the umbilical cord...I did that when they were born. To a degree, I do show them I am attached to them. I give them hugs, and I comfort them when they hurt, and I do get them the fad-of-the-week-they-so-wish-to-have (currently it's 1. Vampiric and Hot Topic stuff, 2. Jap Anime and Video Games, and 3. Spiderman and toys that shoot). I do let them grow up as well, so long as it's not immoral or illegal.

But, I have to admit, I will not baby my kids about day-to-day stuff, nor let tears affect me. Yesterday, was all their first day back at school. My youngest one started kindergarten and has never been to school prior to that, not even to a babysitter, or spending the night alone at a relative's. I had been telling him all summer about beginning kindergarten, and yesterday morning, I woke him up at 7am and he said, "Mom, I changed my mind. I don't wanna go to school." I said, "That's not an option. Help me find your shoes."

My oldest had already bailed out to school on her own about a half hour before my boys. She was decked out in her Edward Cullen and Jacob Black shirt from Hot Topic, Skinny Jeans and rainbowy neon splattered skater shoes. Tacky as it seems to her father, she was happy with her clothes and said, "Weird...that's my WHOLE POINT." She's now a 7th grader. Time flies.

My youngest was crying. I ignored it and began putting his socks and shoes on (he was already dressed and went to bed in his brand new clothes because my older 2 kids did that so they could sleep in longer, as they were staying up till the next day all summer). I ignored every plea as to why he couldn't go to school, and would change the subject whenever it came up. "Mom, school..." and I'd be like, "Okay, what kind of sandwich did you want to take with you?"

Most parents drive their kids to school on the first day. I could have, but I chose not to. I feel, the faster I get him on that bus, the faster he'll learn his independence. He was scared to the point he bit all his nails off. My older son was there, but my little one had never been on a school bus before. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. Again, I ignored it, spoke to the bus driver in 30 seconds about how he's a kindergartner and that the 2 boys are related and that they are my kids (since people always wonder who I am, since they are Black and I am not).

I jumped on the freeway and went to the elementary school to make sure he knew what was to be done and expected, and that I have his back. I went to the kindergarten playground and he was not there yet. I was like WTF? They left before I did, they should have been there already.

I went to the "big kids' playground" and I found my older son. I said, "Where is your brother?" He said, "Still on the bus." I walked over to the bus, which was parked in the back of the school and the bus driver said, "Your son is crying. The teacher hasn't come to get him yet." I said, "Can I take him to his class?" She said, "Sure." My son got off, and I said, "What are you crying about?" He said, "I was scared." Aww, my baby. I said, "There's nothing to be scared of. You are littler than your brother, so you have to stay on the bus and your teacher will come get you and take you to the class with the other little kids on the bus. She's not here yet, so I will take you to the classroom."

We went to the playground and the teacher came out, told all the little ones to get in line on the white line in front of her, and then she sat in a chair with a fishbowl full of name tags. She told them if they hear their name, they come to the front and she will give them their name tag and they are to walk into the class room and "Mrs. Lopez will help you find your hook to put your bag on."

Of course, on a crap day like this, my son gets his name pulled LAST! He's standing there, surrounded by a bunch of adults, most looking melancholy because they are sad their kid is starting school and here I am elated to death that all mine are in school! I was devastated the moment I found out I was pregnant a 3rd time because my older 2 were in second grade and kindergarten back then and here I was to start ALL OVER.

The teacher puts his name tag on his shirt, and he walks in the doorway, then turns around and looks at me with pleading eyes like, "Mommy, it's your last chance, please save me." I waved at him and said, "Go on in..." He stepped one more time, turned around and looked at me, and I said, "That's right, go inside. I'll see you later." I tried peeking in the window, but it's so tinted that you can't see in.

I left.

It was a modified day, so the kids got out early and I stayed home to meet my little one. My husband is back in college to finish his OTHER degree and major. The bus rolled up and my oldest son got off. I noticed the bus driver told my little one to stay seated. Big kids off first, little kids stay seated till the driver get to know the stops and parents or guardians.

My son got off the bus, and as soon as he saw me, he started CRYING. His chin quivered, his eyes watered and I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I missed you." Aww...munchkin! So, I said, "I missed you too. Did the teacher read to you?" He nodded. And he told me what fun he had and said that "Tomorrow I won't cry anymore." I took him home and my mom watched him, and I went to work an hour late.

I'll Be Around

2009-09-02T23:14:00.001-07:00

August 29th is the day we all said Farewell to Perry. Surprisingly, he was cremated. I assumed it would be a burial, considering we were right next to the Catholic Cemetery. One thing about Catholic churches that makes me uncomfortable; although I was raised by a Catholic father, I never once attended mass or confession or was even baptized Catholic and I don't know what the heck to do when in there, nor do I feel "myself" if I were to try.

You cross yourself with holy water, you bow at the pew, you sit, you stand, you sit, you stand a few more times, you respond "And also with you," like 10 times, "Lord have mercy," about another 10 times, "Lord hear our prayer," about another 10 times, yadda yadda, "Allelujah," and "Amen." It always seems to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on whenever I go to Catholic services (so far it's been funerals and weddings, and once I went to a service solely in Spanish). And then they break bread and drink wine; the flesh and blood of Jesus...more sermon.

I have nothing against it as it is a traditional Catholic service, but I don't wish to torture my family and friends with a long as hell sermon when I die. My dying wish is if I am on my deathbed and hooked up to machinery, I want whomever is in charge of my body (husband or kids) to LET ME GO and to NOT RESCUSITATE. I want them to donate all that can be used to people who need my body parts (NOT TO SCIENCE CADAVER LAB), and whatever remains can be buried or cremated (whatever they want to do). I wish for my memorial (please do not call it a funeral) to be memories, fun times, drama, whatever and them all laughing at the end of it all. I want tears from laughing at some of the stupid shit I did in my life. Do not cry over me and have a priest, pastor or minister keep reminding you all about how I'm dead and now in heaven.

I'll be around.

Why Alkies Should QUIT

2009-08-26T23:46:00.001-07:00

Tommy came over and he was pretty shaken up. He had discovered his friend dead and it wasn't a peaceful sight. There is this guy named Perry, who is best friends with my mom's neighbor Brad. Perry became my mom's handyman and eventually a friend. When Tommy used to live here, he was drinking buddies with Perry and they'd drink at Brads, which would irritate Brad's wife Michelle. Anyhow, Tommy quit drinking and Perry continued to drink. He's older, like 51 and he's been drinking since he was in high school. Anyway, when Tommy wasn't installing cable, he was assisting in Perry's plumbing business, and driving Perry's plumber truck because Perry was a drunk and Tommy is sober now. Well, earlier this month Tommy took Perry to the ER because of pain he was having. They couldn't even draw Perry's blood because it was so thick and coagulated. All they could really do is prescribe him pain pills because the doctor said he has last stage cirrhosis of the liver. Tommy told my mom he thinks Perry is going to die.

Well, on August 23, Perry asked Tommy to go to McDonald's and order him 2 cheeseburgers and when he ate 2 bites, he vomitted it right up along with a whole lot of blood, but he was able to swig his beer and hold it down. Tommy was like, "Oh my God, what the hell Perry? Are you ok?" Perry said, "I'm fine, it's happened before and I'll get over it." Tommy had to go home, and so Perry said, "Come early in the morning because we have a lot of work that needs to be done."

Tommy went to Perry's house at 7am and knocked. Perry didn't answer. Tommy entered his home and called for Perry but he didn't not answer. So, he walks in further and found what looked like a crime scene, blood was everywhere Tommy found Perry lying on the floor, dead, with blood coming out of his eyes, mouth and ears and lying in a pool of blood. He said, "Perry are you alive?" Perry did not answer and Tommy did not touch him, he said, "Fuckin Perry," and walked out of the room to call 911. They tried to get Tommy to do CPR, but Tommy said, "There's no point. I'm not touching him, and he has died already. He's not breathing. Send someone down here."

When the cops got there, they thought that it might be a homicide due to all the blood that was around, and Tommy explained to them that Perry was vomitting blood the night before and he had been brusing all over his body and was recently at the ER and that Perry was also suffering cirrhosis. They let Tommy go, but told him not to notify Perry's family and that they would investigate and then notify the family themselves.

So, Tommy, not having to go to work, came over here at about 11am and told Brad's wife Michelle about Perry. She said not to call Brad at work or his cell because she wanted him to have a good day and that she would break the news to him when he got home. Tommy waited here all day for my mom because my mom was close to Perry, but my mom was nowhere to be found and would not answer her cell phone. So, Tommy left around 3pm. At 4pm on the dot, my mom drove up and I told her...and while she was reacting and sobbing and screaming "NOT PERRY", Brad was walking behind me up his driveway and stopped dead in his tracks and said, "What about Perry?" I looked at him and then my mom and said, "Mom, don't say anything, he doesn't know." She couldn't help it and screamed, "Perry is dead..." Brad said, "What did you say?" She screamed again, "Perry died, Brad. Perry's dead." And at that moment Michelle, Brad's wife was walking down the driveway toward Brad and he said, "Is Perry dead?" She just looked at him and then looked at us and I was horrified my mom told him and not Michelle. All I could say was, "I'm sorry. She's just reacting...she just found out."

Tommy said this was just a reassurance as to why he won't be drinking anymore. He said it made him want to go to AA just to tell the court-ordered AA alcoholics why they shouldn't drink and how he found Perry bleeding out of every orifice of his body due to liver failure.

Bug Bite

2009-08-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

I got bit by a spider or something. Last night I flipped my mattress (my 4 year old son peed in his sleep and he never does that). He happened to be on my bed when he peed! So, I flipped my mattress cuz I have to work and need a mattress to sleep on. I'm not sure if that stirred any spiders up if there were any but I have a huge headache and a welt on my TEMPLE. It hurts and it's embarrassing!

Fresh Weed

2009-08-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

I smelled freshly plucked marijuana today. I have never smelled it un-dried. I hate the way dried weed smells, when so many people love it. I actually love the way it smells FRESH.

I'm not a smoker. I can't say I never will, or that I haven't in the past, but I'm not currently a smoker. I haven't smoked in years. I just don't want to "abuse" the plant and believe in it as a medicine.

I just have to say, the fresh, homegrown smell is beautiful.

If only America would legalize it already.

Dream

2009-08-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

This morning before waking up, I dreamt I was staying in a hotel overlooking the ocean. For some reason I had a baby (I feel like it was my baby, although I can’t have any more kids). I was watching surfers down below, and noticed a tornado in the far distance, and the waves were getting bigger and bigger. I started to panic, and grabbed the baby, leaning as far back into the the building as possible, yet still staring out of the window, when I saw ocean water hit the balcony. Then a second wave hit the balcony.

I had to get out of there. I can’t swim (in real life I can’t swim either). I’ve got a water phobia (large bodies of water), and I’m scared because I see people down below in these tidal waves.

Later in the evening (my dream took place during the day, but then it got night) I watched my aunt go out into the murky water, and there were bodies floating. She’s a nurse, and she felt safe enough to drag bodies to shore. I happened to be standing on a pier at this point, still holding this baby.

I have recurring tornado and water dreams all the time.

Camel-Toe at the Laundry Mat is a No.

2009-07-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

I was at the laundry mat and looking at some of the other mom's with their children just a little younger than my oldest. I can't believe some of them let themselves get all frumpy and not want to take care of their appearance. I get it, it's the laundrymat, they probably don't have any more clean clothes, but geez, is that their "extra" clothes?

I swear, my husband gets mad at me because I take too long to get ready when he wants to go somewhere on a whim. I have to brush my hair, make sure my teeth are clean and my tongue is brushed, that my clothes MATCH. I'm not high maintenance at all. I don't mind going outside without make-up on, or wearing the latest brand names, etc.

I'm no celebrity, but you never know what your future may hold...lol, but Tyra Banks once said that you just can't leave your house looking funky and tore up, because you never know who you will run in to. It could be a client, a former love interest, that bitch who was hating on you a few years ago, a former classmate...basically anybody. You don't want to let them catch you slippin.

Although, my weight or age is different, nobody can say that I don't look good (for my age, for having 3 kids, or for being so damned stressed out) when I am out and about. I"m not conceited, I just try not to be a slob when I hit the street.

If you are going to be washing your laundry at least have a nice tshirt on. That tshirt with the big stain on it, and the shorts too short for your big sweaty ass is not cute. I'm not saying go to the laundryroom in your club clothes, but come looking half-way decent in public. Stop embarrassing your kids...their friends might show up. These are the little things I think about when I'm out. One thing I don't want to do is embarrass my children.

These are my NO-NOs:
Camel-toe
Hariy legs and shorts
Chipped nail polish on my toes
stained clothing
dirty teeth and funky breath
clothes that give off that muffin-top appearance (If you have a muffin-top over your jeans, your jeans are too small over your big ass and your shirt is ridiculously tight)
non-matching clothes...just because they are clean don't mean they match

And my other thing about trying to stay youthful, I whiten my teeth for a brighter, youthful smile. I wear sunglasses to avoid squinty wrinkles, I put sunscreen on my face, I drink water religiously, and I try and stay active.

My husband works out every day. If he is going to look fit and fine at 40, so will I.

Urban Rhythm

2009-07-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

I need to lose weight and powder my shiny face. Yes, my face is PALE...I don't tan it to save myself from looking like a raisin when I'm 40. :)

I went to Urban Rhythm in Long Beach at the Rhythm Lounge. It was my first time I had ever heard D&B music and experienced the scene. I guess I could relate it as what Heavy Metal is to Classic Rock music, D&B is to Hip-Hop. It's like the heavier, faster side of Hip-Hop. The people didn't really dance as much as nod and bounce. I was just trippin. The whole club event was a toy and food drive for Lydia House in Long Beach.

There were a few DJs. I drank Bahama Mama's during the course of the night and did feel buzzed. But toward the end, I got up off this couch and was stumbling over my high heels. I told BigDaddy, "I want to go home." I found my friend Brian, took a picture with him (which is the one posted).

After saying good-bye to Brian, I stumbled outside with my husband and then started crying. I got all emotional and couldn't focus on anything except my feet. I didn't want to trip and I was extremely embarrassed because I was slurring my speech.

Cops are all up and down Pine Avenue in Downtown Long Beach. They ride bikes, scooters, motorcycles and drive cars. There were cops on the corners, in the middle of the sidewalk, sitting on the rail outside of Starbucks and just EVERYWHERE. Here I was drunk and paranoid in public, while my husband was holding my hand all the way to the car.

I had totally forgotten that my feet were killing me in my shoes.

Although the event is over, you can still donate to Lydia House. Toys and canned or boxed food is welcomed.

Glow

2009-07-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am sunburned, not as bad as last year's sunburn, thankyougod. I got a new bikini, it's aqua and black and I wanted to wear it so I made yesterday a "beach day."

My daughter has a new set of larger boobs that she didn't have last year, and so just like I did when I was her age, she did not take her shirt off the entire time we were at the beach. My older son didn't either, but that's because he is on the heavier side and he knows it. My youngest son is like me, he didn't like the ~~world's septic tank~~ beach water on his skin.

I got an okay toasty look to my abdomen and the front of my legs. The back of my thighs are a little pink and my shoulders are reddish pink. My face was slathered with 50 SPF sunscreen. I'm holding on to the youthfulness of my face as long as I can. I should have slathered my neck to death though, because I hate that wrinkly leather neck that sun exposure does to some people.

I'm getting ready for an evening out with BigDaddy in Long Beach on the 24th. I want my skin to have a sunny glow.

I finished the 3rd book of the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. I'm loving the fact they kill traditionally, act like horny slutty egotistical vampires, and traditionally can't go into the sunlight and can be staked or burned with silver. No sparkly, golden-eyed, touseled hair, symp vampires in these books. That's hot.

My Daughter is Growing Up Too Fast for me

2009-07-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

I can't exactly blog what I am really feeling right now, or the drama that it's all about without feeling extremely embarrassed or mortified that someone else would know. I'll just say it like this...I thought I'd be the cool mom that my teen kids could come to about anything. My daughter is almost a teen, less than 6 months of "preteen" left. She's been pretty mature for the longest time, started reading at an 11h grade level in about 5th grade, been wise beyond her years, and just overall a good student and a great kid. I guess I'm not as cool as I wanted to be because she is not as innocent as I thought.

I'm struggling raising my oldest child. I hope it goes by fast and I didn't ever want my kids to grow up so fast, but I want to get through THIS part. It hurts. She thinks I'm old as dirt and don't know anything. I embarrass her and apparently there's a trust issue, because she doesn't come to me or keeps things from me.

I found her online blog. I was mortified. My husband is not so much, but it kills me to know how she thinks and the fact that she IS growing up, and is an individual other than MY daughter...she's someone's friend and confidant, best friend, and other stuff that was never intended for me to know about.

I was angry, now I'm hurt, lost and confused.

Thinking about Jackson kids

2009-07-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about today's current events and was saddened to see on television that Michael Jackson's ex-wife would like custody of the two older children. This means poor little Blanket (Prince Michael II) would be separated from his siblings if that were to happen. That's terrible.

Seriously, I wish people would think about the best interest of the children. They are a PACKAGE. They are a trio. Their family is already different, and they are now missing their father, why separate them from each other as well? It's not fair for them.

I hope that Michael Jackson's Will is abided by and that whatever he wanted in his Will will happen. I think it's rather bizarre that he chose people at such an older age (have raised children) to be the guardian's of his children. I would think he would choose someone younger like his siblings or something. I fear that the children will have to experience another caregiver death and will have to go through being tossed around from family to family again.

Too Old for This Shit

2009-06-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

My 12 and a half year old daughter busted my brand new monitor. I have only had this computer for about 2 months. My daughter took one of those hard bouncy balls and threw it at the ceiling. It came down, bouncing hard, and hit the monitor, cracking the inside. Now there's a black crack with rainbow colors going through the screen.

And she wants a cell phone. I don't fuccin think so. When she shows me more maturity and responsibility, then we'll TALK about cell phones. Currently, I am not in the mood. My monitor was bad ass. Now it's just bad.

Sexy's Back...oh and BET AWARDS 2009

2009-06-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

This blog is so flippin' old. I decided to resurrect it from the dead. Anything prior to this blog post is ANCIENT.

Let's see.

June 25th, was my husband's and my 4th year wedding anniversary. I woke up mad at him from something the night before. I checked my email and saw that Farrah Fawcett had passed away. At work the same day, around 12pm, my husband calls to finally tell me that he was sorry and "Happy Anniversary." I knew it, and I wanted to cry happy tears, but I had to put on my tough-girl act, so I just said, "Thanks, love you, and I'll talk to you later. Bye." He said, "Bye." We hung up.

I continued to watch TV at work. It was slow and around 2:30pm the news said that Michael Jackson was in the hospital in Full Cardiac Arrest. I just knew he had passed away. I had hopes he was just "hospitalized" but I had a feeling he had crossed over to the other side.

At around 3:30pm they finally announced that Michael Jackson Died of Reported Cardiac Arrest. What a sad event. I feel really sorry for his children and his family.

It is 4 days later. The world is still shocked and sad. I have a migraine headache and I hope it goes soon.

---------------

I watched the BET AWARDS last night. It was so trashy for a "Tribute" to Michael Jackson. Michael's family was there MOURNING and still showing support to BET nominees and accepting the so-called Tributes his celebrity-fans wanted to do for the family. WTF was Lil Wayne giving shout outs to the family for after cursing every 3rd word and talking about all the women he wants to fuck with Drake? TRASH TRASH TRASH. Yuck. And then not 2 minutes after that GARBAGE performance did Janet Jackson come out to thank everybody. How classy of her to just acknowlege the LOVE shown, although 3 minutes before it was a GROSS performance. I just sat there in awe.

Whatever Dude, Where is My Food?

2009-06-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Seriously, it's starting to piss me off. Tuesday I went to work and put my Chicken and Artichoke Lean Pockets in the freezer. Later on I was getting ready to leave, and remembered my second Lean Pocket. I went to the freezer and it was gone. Someone snaked my food.

Wednesday I go to work and I brought 2 more Meatballs and Mozzarella Hot Pockets and put them in the freezer. I also put room-temperature Orange Gatorade into the fridge so it would be cold. I ate my food, drank water. At the end of my day, I went to get my Gatorade to drink on the way home and someone snaked my Gatorade. I am about to cuss someone out.

Also, I've been working on my family tree, and everybody else's who is attached to my tree. Everybody who knows me knows that is one of my hobbies, so it comes up in conversation every so often (at least once a day to whomever I talk to). This woman asked me how my tree was going, and here I am all eager to tell her my new findings and research for her to go back and tell me it is "bullshit" (she said it in much more polite terms).

Hold up...GENEALOGISTS have found this information. Priests, Teachers, Scientists, Philosophers, Royalty, Military, Travellers/Pilgrims, doctors, census all kept their information written down. Not everybody has been written down in history, but a good chunk has. To tell me all my hours and hours of research was wasted time PISSED ME OFF. It's MY hobby. Maybe I should have told her praying over her food won't make it taste better, or the fact that 95% of the time she tells me how to HEAL myself with homeopathy might be a bunch of bologne to me, or the fact that she doesn't go to the doctor when she's sick but self-diagnoses herself and takes herbs and tea and shit is stupid... Either way, it's RUDE.

Not to mention, every time I spoke I got cut off in mid-sentence so she could continue telling me she didn't believe me about my research.

Whatever dude.

We Always Got Through

2009-05-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

It was always a struggle
but we always got through
I don't have to say it
you know I love you
Always debating
loving, hating
Bonnie and Clyde
Ride or Die
Either way, we're mates for life
We don't need to be sweet, sappy and shit
I'll get you green
Take a hit
Do for me, I do for you
somehow we always got through
Light's out
Phone's off
Gov't aid
Getting bills paid
Getting jobs
or hustlin
always brave
never afraid
No tears, no drama
never called Daddy, never called Mama
Birthdays with no cake
Parties with no beer
Strong mind, never showed fear
Fixing debts
Ends get met
Repo'd cars
Collection agencies
fisticuffs and scars
unwanted pregnancies
Hard times
Good times
And at times I felt alone
But wherever your arm was
I laid my head and called home
Jealousy and fears
smiles, laughter, and even tears
loving me, loving you
something we always do
And somehow, someway
we always got through
Since 1995
Drama, fun times or strife
being your girlfriend
then becoming your wife
in 2005
I've got no regrets
of feeling happy or feeling upset
I always knew
we would get through
That's just how you do...
And although I hardly ever say it
nor do I need to
You know that I love you

I don't owe anybody a Gdamn explanation

2009-05-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

One thing I don't appreciate is when someone I really don't know, and only know from the net gets all in my business like they know me. I don't owe anybody an explanation about myself, my life, or what goes on within it. If I don't blog in 15 days, oh well, read something else (Suggestion 1, Suggestion 2). If I don't reply back promptly, maybe I have something else to do. But, when you question me like my life is supposed to be Myspace or you, then I start to question you in my head.

But considering I seem to owe everybody and their mother a fucking explanation about myself:
1. I am a mother of 3. They consume almost all of my time when I'm NOT working.
2. I work 7 days a week. Therefore, I only have HOURS to spend with my family, before it's bedtime and I'm off to work again.
3. My husband works nights, I work days. In order to make my relationship work, I probably am in bed with him for an hour or so letting him have his way with me.
4. I get offline to read books. Try one, then you won't need to read my same blog post over and over for the last 2 weeks. The current book I'm reading is Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.
5. If I am tired of reading, I may catch up on a little recorded TV. That's the only way I can keep up with my shows. Interested in what I watch? America's Most Wanted is on top of my list. I like to know what scumbags are out there in the world that need to be locked up.
6. There are cancers (YES, more than one) in my family. Perhaps I am interested in what REAL shit is going on, especially things in my family, rather than some stupid questionnaire like, "What color socks do you have on today?" I fill those out when I'm bored. Maybe I'm not bored, maybe I just have some thing else to do, like wonder about when my family will be emailing me next?
7. Perhaps I'm exhausted. Perhaps I'm fucking tired of tending to kids, work, husband, life in general...and want a freaking 12 hour nap.

That little list doesn't even equate to HALF of why I don't blog much, don't email you back, don't repost your shit, don't call you, don't moderate my groups. If you KNOW me, then you KNOW I don't owe you an explanation...

Do NOT email me about THIS BLOG. You got something to say the comments are open...

Fuck Myspace.

Los Angeles - Long Beach - I Had an Epiphany

2009-05-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

May 13th, my mom's birthday. I didn't wake up really thinking hard about it, nor did I really care, because she acts like she doesn't care. I decided to watch TV early this morning. My work called, I thought I should have gone in because they needed a cashier in the morning. I was like "They need to hire someone else."

My mom comes to the door and goes, "Do you work today?" I'm thinking, "WTF does she want?"

I said, "No," thinking maybe I should say yes. She said, "I need you to go with me to Lincoln." I'm thinking, "Anaheim?" Lincoln is a street that runs through ANaheim, CA. It's not too far, but I knew deep down she must be thinking of Washington Blvd in Los Angeles, because she mentioned it a few weeks back that she wanted me to go with her to 801 Washington Blvd. It's some display store (hangers, mannequins, clothing racks, etc). I didn't ask her. Instead I asked her, "Do you know how to get there?"

My mom said, "I have my cellular phone, I can call." Oh great, she's unprepared and wanting me to do all the talking and planning. I HATE being her personal secretary. She always calls people and hands me the phone after saying, "My daughter is right here, she will talk to you." *groan*

I said, "GIVE me the address." 801 Washington Blvd was the only thing in ENglish I could find on the paper, so I mapquested it and found it. I said, "We are taking MY truck." My mom said, "Why?" Frankly, because she drives slower than snails and takes a thousand years to change lanes, and does NOT drive on the freeway. She asked me to take side streets. I said, "NO. It would take too long and I don't want to waste time." She looked defeated.

I wished I had my camera. There were really neat graffiti and architecture in Los Angeles. When we got to the place, I told my mom to start reading signs because everything started to become Korean characters. I'm just like my dad was when finding addresses, I read block numbers on the signs, THEN I start looking for addresses or building names. First we were on the 600 block, then 700, and since 801 is exactly after 800, I said, "PAY ATTENTION. There's too much traffic and no U-turns." I crossed a lane and turned into the driveway while she's shouting, "Right there, right there."

She thinks I'm such a "boy." I backed my truck into a parking space for easy exit, but she thinks that is how men park. What?

Anyway, we walked in to the building and there were mannequins and racks everywhere. My mom was like a kid in a candy store. It was hot as hell in the building. The deeper we went in the more easily it was to get lost in there, as there were aisles and piles of store displays EVERYWHERE.

Later, we left and I turned left trying to get back where we came from, but the freeway entrance was not in that direction. So I had to drive around the block and come back. This moron I accidentally cut-off in this low-rider car holds his horn down, passes me on the left and tries to cut me off, but almost caused a car accident, because a car was merging into the lane from the right. Los Angeles drivers, I swear. I didn't see him, because I was relying on my sideview mirrors and my back windows were completely covered by the mannequins and clothing rack boxes.

On the way home, there was so much LA traffic it was pathetic. I asked my mom if she was interested in going to Long Beach just to cruise through our old neighborhood. She said, "YES," all enthusiastically. I assumed she would say no. We got to the 405 and then jumped on the 710 North to North Long Beach and we saw our old Taco Bell was closed down. Shady Acres Miniature Golf and Arcade was now Windmill Creek apartment complex (their mascot is the old windmill that was part of the miniature golf course). I knew that, but my mom didn't. We went to Norton Street. Everything was small compared to OC. I had to veer to the right so much just to let on-coming traffic pass my big Suburban. My dad's old house breaks my heart every time I see it.

I didn't stop to look, because there was a woman in the front yard installing sprinklers. I didn't want to creep her out. We passed the Manukailea's, the Lawler's (and the Ash's across the street), the Munday's, the Ruiz's, and the Ansbro's old homes. We got to the end of the street and the Chung's corner liquor store was closed, and another CLOSED business called BIG DADDY's was there. What a heart break. Most of the end of my actual block was ghettofied. It was probably that way when I was a kid, but I didn't know any different, so it seemed normal back then.

I turned onto Dairy and then we went to Market St and turned right, made a left on to Long Beach Blvd, and headed over to Douglas Burgers. Too bad Kirk's Korner is no longer in LB or I'd have gone there for some onion rings. Douglas Drive-In is the next best sit-down fast-food joint. Best Food Market was still there. Pink's Bakery was gone, but another one called Katy's Bakery was there. The mortuary was still on Long Beach Blvd. Dooley's lumbar and hardware store was gone. And then I got an epiphany....

Over 20 years ago is the last time I sat across the table from my mom at Douglas burger's restaurant. She used to take me there every single morning for breakfast. When my siblings had to eat cereal at home, she took me out to get hot breakfast. I was spoiled. I used to eat French toast and scrambled eggs with orange juice. She would have eggs over easy, hash browns and toast with coffee. Smoking was okay indoors at the time and she'd have a cigarette. I was sitting across from my mom, having a moment that I probably would never have again with her at this particular restaurant, at the same exact table we would have breakfast 20+ years ago, and on her 69th birthday. Totally surreal.

Feeling On Miss New Booty

2009-05-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

One of my coworkers, "L" was getting spanked and felt up at work by all the ladies. So, I'm thinking WTF, why is everybody spanking her? It wasn't her birthday. She hadn't done some kind of special feat that deserved a little ass-grabbing. What gives?

I noticed the spanking sound didn't sound like a common smackity-smack. It sounded more like smackity-thud. I had to say it, "What's in your pants?" She goes, "I got a new pair of panties with a booty sewed in." I never checked her butt out before, so I had no idea her butt grew or grew rounder.

I then asked, "Can I feel?" She said, "Sure." She aimed her butt at me, and I squeezed at her butt and there was a foamy thing in there. I said, "You can't really tell by squeezing. It feels real." She said, "Yeah, I know! It's just when you smack it that it doesn't sound real."

I told my husband I felt her padded-panties. He said, "Now, what if a bunch of straight men were like, 'Hey, Man, what's in your pants? Can I touch your ass? That's a nice pair of draws.'"

Vampiric Culture turned Soft

2009-04-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

My recent reads have been Stephenie Meyers books on the Twilight series. They belong to my daughter. She has every single friggin book. I made it past Twilight, started on New Moon and then realized I used to be inspired by vampiric stories in the past (ie Bram Stoker and Anne Rice). Stephenie Meyers has softend the whole vampiric culture and it mortifies me. Vampires that glitter in the sunlight and look even better in the sun? Vampires that refuse to milke a human through the carotid arteries? WTF

Whatever!

This woman hardly had adjectives for YELLOW eyes. Every other time she described him it was:
His golden eyes
his liquid topaz eyes
his touseled bronze hair
his crooked smile

I got sick of it. The story is written well, no doubt, in the fact that a 5th grader could understand it. I feel obligated to stick with the series because I can't stand to not know the rest if I've already started the first book. Other than that, I am not fond of her style of writing. She has hype because she has a good publicist and a plethora of teenager emo kids reading that shit.

I used to have a vampire poetry site back in the day. I had to look it up on Archive.org and found it. Only one of my poems didn't show up, but one day I will reopen my vampire site and introduce people back to vampiric culture. Fuccin glitter? OH please. I've bought a journal to practice my creative writing again. I will try writing for pay again one day....

I Initiated Conversation with the Starer

2009-04-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

I never noticed him walk in, but I was down to the last 20 minutes of my shift. I kept thinking, "I wish my manager would hurry up, so I can shut my register down."

I was in the back of the store, and suddenly I heard, "[Eva] price check on register 2 please. [Eva] price check on 2." So, I go heading up to the front of the store and my boss hands me birthday print napkins. I saw "The Starer." He was 3rd in line. He looked at me and then looked away as if I didn't exist; reminding me of how I normally treat him when he looks at me. A flash of panic came over me, something weird happened to me, perhaps the flight or fright reflex. Either way, something weird happened to my insides; adrenaline rush maybe? Fear? Nerves?

I got the price for the napkins. But there were many back on the shelf that did not have price tags attached, so I ran back and got them. I brought them back up and my boss said, "Can you ring this gentleman up, please?" He gestured with his head at "The Starer."

I had done so good avoiding him the last few months. I didn't know how to respond. I was nervous. But, I do not like coming off weak, so I looked him dead in the face, smiled and said, "I will ring you up here on register 4," and I held up 4 fingers in case my voice came off weak. I stumbled over my own feet, about to lose my balance, but played it off like I was not embarrassed.

At the register, it calm came over me and I reacted the way I would with others, "So, how are you doing today?" I smiled. He said, "I'm doing good, how about yourself?" He had that same stare, the kind where he's trying to read me or something. He put his 4 energy drinks on the counter and I started ringing them up. I said, "I'm okay, just ready to go home, now." He said, "Have you had a long day today?" I said, "No, a short day, but I'm just ready to go home and kick back. It's about time to shut down my register." I gave him his total, giving back eye contact like, "I ain't scurred." It gave me a chance to look at his features up close. I noticed he had some whitish grey hairs mixed in with his unshaven facial hair. I wonder why he didn't shave. He's usually clean shaven when he walks in, or maybe I just never notice, because I'm trying to get away from him.

He pulled out a sunset-colored card to swipe through the credit card machine. I said, "ATM or Credit?" He said, "It's a debit card." I hit the debit/credit button on my monitor and he swiped his card. I watched the reciept print out of my register, handed it to him, and he put his hand out. Rather than taking the paper as I hovered it over his hand, he reached upward toward my hand and grabbed the paper, brushing his fingertips on my palm. Oh hell to the naw...I said, "Have a nice day." He said, "I will, and you too." I said, "Bye." He said, "See you later."

I'm going to master this thing, whatever it is...

About Eva Fangoria

2009-01-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

I have been blogging since 1998 but have lost some of my blogs due to moving sites, closing domains etcetera. I keep an offline diary on and off as well.

Blogging has been an outlet for me over the years.

I'm a multi-ethnic half-Korean woman, born and raised in California. I consider Long Beach, California my hometown, but I currently live in Orange County. I can't stand it here, can't stand the influx of traffic, or the influx of racial tension from people who want to keep it predominantly [insert an ETHNICITY]. I hate Harbor Blvd traffic and Disneyland is overrated particularly because their prices suck for residents. I have a family of 5 and haven't been to Disneyland since 2000??

I try and live a green lifestyle, recycling and buying recycled products and try and bring my own canvas grocery bag to the store with me. I also BUY AMERICAN. I cannot stand buying from other countries. I'm about helping the American people first. I don't care what shape my eyes are, my nation is America and I bleed RED, WHITE and BLUE. I'm a patriot and a Democrat.

There are many things I enjoy in life. I love dark Victorian home decor, scrapbooking, dark fantasy, hip-hop music, Strawberry Shortcake, Hello Kitty, designer handbags, shoes, stand-up comedy, artistic people, fruity alcohol, comfort foods, 8 hours of sleep and bubble baths.

Cheap People Suck

2007-12-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

I must sound like a serious jerk, but it was another Vietnamese person yesterday. It's really NOT me, it's the city I live by. I live by Little Saigon and I work at a closeout store. Theremikfore, I get a LOT of people who want to live luxurious at an affordable price, and they happen to be of Vietnamese decent.

This woman who happens to be Vietnamese, came to our store a few weeks back and wanted candles at discounted prices. If they weren't discounted (which was only about 15 cents) she didn't want them. None of the candles she had were discounted. So, she left my aisle and got candles that were. She made me wrap all of them in paper. I remember her specifically because I had never had to wrap wax candle pillars before, just the glass candle holders, never the wax. No, she wanted me to wrap each wax pillar. I remember the annoyance on the woman's face behind her as this woman kept telling me how to ring her up. Me and the other woman caught eyes a few times, you know like a hard glare and we're reading each other's mind, like the customer I was helping was a total moron.

Last night this woman came back to our store. Lo and Behold she brought her candles back, since she had not used them. She bought some 50% off larger candles to replace them. Not only did she do that, she brought back all her christmas garland which was full price a few weeks ago, and got her money back. Then she went back into our store and bought them at half price.

When I rang her up, I had utter disgust for her. I could feel my hatred inside and that's not a cool feeling. It was the feeling like if she were to say one wrong thing to me, I might have to go off on her or send her away to another register because there was no way I was going to tolerate her behavior.

She brought up 2 large rolls of identical rugs. She said, "You open carpet for me so I know if I want buy." I looked at her like OMG NO YOU DIDN'T. So, I ask the nearest recovery person [C] if she can get me scissors. I cut the wrapper around the rug and she looks at it and goes, "Yeah, I like. I don't want it though. I bring the one I want." She made me open a wrapped one. Screw that, next jerk who does that to me, NO I'm not opening it. I will give them the excuse that it's like opening a bag of chips. If you choose you don't like the way they taste then you won't buy them. Screw that. They can buy the chips, in this case the rug, and if they don't want it, then they can return it.

I'm having a serious problem with Vietnamese people lately. I think they think I am "their people" therefore I must be the one to do them special favors. OR, they think I'm a child and they can talk to me a certain way. There's another set of Asian people that come in and don't pull BS with me. They happen to be Japanese (there's a huge Japanese/Japanese-American neighborhood close-by). I haven't had one Japanese person yet (knock on wood) that has asked me over and over what my heritage was before anything else, has asked me for discounts, has interrupted me in the middle of helping other customers, has told me how to bag their stuff, has thrown their products at me, has thrown their money down on the counter while my hand was out, or has wasted my time. I feel Vietnamese people think I'm Vietnamese and that I will stop at their beck and call and cater to them over anybody else.

BigDaddy says not to worry and expect being asked my heritage because they can't tell and that I do look kind of Vietnamese. Well, I'm not listening to him because he thinks all Asians look-alike. I am a mixed person. I want to be noticed for my mix or just as another American, not some foreign person who is out to give freebies and discounts to cheapass people.

Also last night, some idiot, went to the 99 cent only store and bought a bunch of DVDs, well he tried to return them to our store with his recent purchase of Christmas stockings on his receipt (that's all he bought, because I rang him up, not one DVD was sold by me). He goes, "I came in tonight and bought these DVDs, but I think I want to get something else instead." Okay, Big Lots doesn't sell BS DVDs. We actually sell some good Movies or Classic #1 Series, not no-names or total has-beens. We have Indepence Day, Men in Black, When Harry Met Sally, Milk Money, Terminator, The Three Stooges, I Love Lucy, Pilates Exercise, and a few others that are trendy and hip. We also have our orange price tag in each corner of the DVDs. Our DVDs run from 2 to 5 dollars, depending on the most recent shipment, the type of DVD, and what famous stars are in the movie. This ass brings in DVDs from the 99 cent store that we don't even carry with people in the movies you never even heard of, and tries to pass them off for our cds. We don't carry JUNK, we carry Brand Names at Closeout Prices. That's our famous mantra. Needless to say, he got scared and then goes, "Oh you know what, I got this store and the 99 cent store mixed up. I'm sorry." Oh sure, yeah RIGHT. When we said we didn't carry those DVDs he was all huffy and puffy. When we said wait, those DVDs would ring up as electronics and NOT trim-a-tree...and he was like oopsie, wrong store.

Being in the service business on the side of this one, I have learned that I do NOT like Cheap People. There was one time we had a coupon circular out, and well my dumb manager at the time also put a sign up that said to sing and dance like Elvis Presley (it was August, his anniversary death month) and receive 15 minutes free. So this husband and wife did their dancing and singing, got their hour and 15 minute massages, and when it was time to pay, handed over a coupon for $15 OFF an hour massage or more. Boy was I pissed. Then the husband gives me $2 dollars for a tip, and I look at it and say thank you. He said, "Make sure the other massage therapist gets the other dollar." 1 dollar tip? You know what, I do NOT like Cheap People. Period. If you're broke, you're broke. If you like luxury, don't act like a cheapass because it's not becoming. People who can afford luxury don't NEED to shop at Big Lots.

I Almost Lost My Cool

2007-12-14T17:01:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't have had to work today. It was my day off. But they asked me because the managers and some of the cashiers were setting up the store for spring and compressing the christmas items and whatnot. I am considered "the main cashier." So, I came in at 5pm and stayed till 30 minutes ago.

Anyhow, things were great, and this older gentleman came to my register and he goes, "Wow, I am really amazed at this store. It's so clean in here and easy to find stuff. The one off [so n so street] is hard to get around. This one's really nice." This nosy, old, fat hag just had to steal his thunder and says, "Big Lots is awful compared to Pic N Save. It was so much better. Ever since the ownership change, they have gone down hill and so has their employees. That whole section over there, I can't get around because there is a big mess on the floor."

I turned to her and said, "The owners may be different but the managers are the same and many of the veteran Pic N Save employees are Big Lots employees." And she goes, "Well, something is changed because they must have hired a bunch of unorganized idiots." OMG, that is MY department when I am not at my register that she talked about. It isn't me making messes on the floor. It's dumbass customers who drop stuff and don't pick it up. It's people leaving things they don't want on shelves instead of leaving it in their carts to take to the register and hand over to me. I was very much insulted by this woman and wanted to tell her if she didn't like our store then she can go shop elsewhere...but I have to represent Big Lots and so I didn't say anything but stopped talking to her altogether.

Later this evening, this woman came to my register and she had an overflowing cart full of things (mostly tissue, toiletpaper, styrofoam cups, and plastic utensils). She started taking things out one by one, and stopping after only putting 3 things on my counter at a time. I would scan everything by 3. Every so often she would put 4 items up there and I could only fit x-amount of objects into a bag and she would be like, "You didn't count this one." I would correct her and say, "Yes, I did. I just haven't put it in the bag yet, because it doesn't fit. I'm waiting on you to put more objects onto the counter to reach my quota of items that I can fit into a bag." Finally, she shut up on how I was ringing her slow-ass up.

Then she starts telling me to tie her bags shut. "Tie my bag, make it better. My thing don't fall out in my car if you tie my bag." I ignored her, that's not my job. I don't tie handles. If she wants to tie her own bags up she can do that. But, my job is to ring her up and get her out of the store so the 15 other people behind her can get out of the store, too. She started throwing things onto my counter now, trying to get me to acknowledge that she was now pissed off.

The counter was filling up with all her bags and I said, "Ma'am, can you please put some of your bags into your cart so I have room for the other bags?" She goes, "That your job." I said, "No, it's not. I am just a cashier. My job is to ring you up and put your items into bags. We have a long line behind you, and it would go by so much faster if you start putting things into your cart as I ring you up." She yells at me, "YOU PUT THEM IN MY CART! I DON'T WORK AT BIG LOT." (not Big LOTS but Big LOT). I ignored the wench, but it would have made me feel like so much better if I said, "I don't work at BIG LOT either, I work at Big Lots."

I started stacking bags on top of other bags on the counter, because I'm stubborn like that, and it got really full. It took everything for me to not cuss her out and I was getting some sort of satisfaction of not giving her her way. I then say, "Would you like help out to your car?" She had 2 carts full now, and she goes, "Yes." I said, "Let me get you help." I got on the microphone and said, "[J] to register 4 please, [J]." He comes to the front and I say, "She will need help to her car." He helped her put the rest of her bags into the cart and then I said, "Your total is [some huge number]," and she slid her credit card into the machine. I said, "Is that credit or debit?" She said, "It credit."

I then said, "I will need to see your driver's license." She looks me in the face with this ugly mean-mug and I smirked at her and said, "Alright, go ahead and reslide your card through the machine," although she didn't have to. I was just satisfying a personal need.

She then wrote her signature on the receipt, but under her signature she wrote some Vietnamese words and handed it to me.

On the flipside, a Middle Eastern teenager with Tourette's Syndrome was at my register with her mom. She was twitching, spinning in slow circles three times and then she'd stop and do it again, and blurt out real loud stuff in Arabic every so often. That was kinda eerie, but I know about Tourette's so I didn't freak out.

Annoying Customers and Retail

2007-12-13T17:05:00.000-08:00

Today, this trashy couple were in line. The guy told his wife to hurry up and she got mad and rolled her cart really hard into his crotch. The guy said to his wife, "Oh fuck, you almost bumped my privates!" She goes, "Fuck you." He says, "Fuck you too, bitch." I'm like OMG. I just kept ringing up stuff. Then he starts trying to make her jealous by keep talking to me and being all flirty. I'm not the flirty type, but anyway...

At the end of the ringing up, he goes, "Before you scan my last card, this one is saved for last...ring up the others first." I rang them up. He said, "Guess what it says on the inside, [Eva]?" (he read my name tag). The outside had two owls on the front. I said, "I'm actually kind of afraid to." He says, "Go on, read the inside of the card." I opened the card up and it said something like, "I thought you would like a nice pair of hooters for your birthday." How lame, but I smiled. His wife then kicked him in front of me and he took the shopping cart and said, "You fucking bitch!" and he shoved the shopping cart so it banged a bunch of our products in the front of the store, on a shelf. I didn't say anything but, "Um...have a nice night."

Later this evening, I was ringing up a man when this woman comes up to me with a cartful of Popcorn gift baskets. She goes, "Do you have any more of these?" I said, "If there are no more where you got them, we have no more." She goes, "Can you LOOK?" I'm like I'm freaking BUSY...but I said, "I will have someone help you in a little bit. I am with a customer right now." I already know if there are no more, then there are NO MORE, and we may never get anymore. That is just how our store is. First come, first server. You snooze, you lose.

So, I call this guy "J" to the front and I say, "There's a woman over there looking at Christmas foods, please help her." Like I said there were no more of what she was looking for. Ugh.

They came to the front of the store, and she puts her cart in the middle of my aisle and then walks over to this ice cream freezer and sits on it. I saw someone standing in line and I said, "You know what, they aren't ready, go ahead and put your stuff on my counter. I'll ring you up." The lady sitting on the freezer looks back and goes, "I'll be ready when my husband is," in a really snotty voice.

I rang the one lady up and she left. Then the husband guy comes to my register, and instead of taking all his stuff out of the cart and putting it on the counter, he wheels it around to my side of the counter and tells me to go ahead and ring him up. I'm like, WTF...so I take everything out of his cart and lay it all on the counter and he walks off as his wife continues sitting there on the freezer.

I rang them all the way up and then his wife gets ready to pay. Her husband walks off again. He brings me back this lighter for a barbecue, the kind that looks like a gun of some sort. He says, "Can you open this?" I said, "No, because I would be damaging store property." He goes, "Well how am I supposed to know if it works or not?" I said, "You have to have faith in that it does, and if it doesn't you can always return it." He said, "What if I don't want to return it?" I'm like STFU already. So, he said, "Can I open it?" I said, "I'm not going to tell you yes." Then his wife says, "And she's not going to tell you no either." OMG, did I just get punked at work?

I need a backbone, but I don't want to get all pissy with my coworkers if they aren't on my side and I have to apologize to someone who doesn't deserve an apology. These were straight up trashy customers.

Tonight this old Asian guy puts tape and a hammer on my counter and I start ringing him up. He goes, "You Vietnamese?" Oh not this again. I said, "No." He goes, "Japanese?" I said, "No." He goes, "Chinese?" I said, "No." You'd think he'd give up, right? No, this clueless guy did not give up and I was not in the mood to answer his nosey questions. He goes, "Laos?" I said, "No." He said, "What are you?" I said, "I am a multiracial American." And he goes, "You don't look like it. You look Vietnamese" Baaastard. And I said, "Yeah, well what's an American look like? Well, have a nice rest of your night."

Smells Like Dead Rat

2007-11-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Someone set up a rat-trap at work. I have no idea how long ago they did this, but we found a stinky and decomposed rat under the food aisle. Customers were complaining of a "death smell." We could smell it too, but none of us knew what it was or where exactly it was coming from.

I noticed the odor but assumed it was groceries for some reason, and wasn't as repulsed as I should have been, thinking it was all normal and stuff. LOL After the store closed, I had to do some recovery and put food away. That funky smell was all over, even though the body was removed by a coworker of mine.

He snapped pictures of it on his cell phone and showed me. It was pretty gnarly. Well, air freshener didn't get rid of the odor. I went to the Health, Beauty, and Cosmetics to find some perfume tester and sprayed the hell out of the aisle. It smells like Charlie Perfume died in the aisle. *laugh*

I wonder if they (whomever) put the rat trap there ever intended on checking the trap! That is so nasty and embarrassing.

Cheap Old Hags

2007-10-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

My feet KILL me. I cashiered all day, but the last hour, I was sent to clean the underwear, socks, bras, pajamas, slippers and the baby sections of the store. People tear things up! There were so many underwear, socks and diapers ruined from people breaking holes in the plastic to pull the products out and feel them.

There were so many shirts unfolded and thrown back on the shelves. I hate doing my own laundry but I hang everything. At the store, I have to fold everything up again!

Okay, let me rewind to the first hour I was at work. There was this husband and wife and their grandson. The wife had a halloween mask in her hand. We have an entire section dedicated to Halloween in the store. At Big Lots (listen up bargain shoppers), all Halloween items are 50 percent off, EXCLUDING costumes, cards, and candy. Decorations are half off, stickers are half off, Halloween toys are half off, make-up is half off.

This stupid old wench came in and tried to get a mask HALF OFF through the other cashier. What's a mask? It's a costume. It's not a decoration. It's not a card. It's not candy. Right? Okay...stupid cheapass starts getting all huffy-puffy at the register and was like, "I want the mask discounted. You have it on the table with the 50 percent off sign. You can't charge me full price because then it's misleading the customer." She created such a ruckus, the line was getting out of hand she distracted me because she wanted me to tell her a mask was not considered a costume. I said, "It's a costume. Some people wear just a mask and their regular clothes or they use a mask to enhance the rest of their costume." She yelled at me, "A MASK is a MASK, a costume is an outfit." I stopped talkign to her...my customers were more important than that fat bag.

The manager came up to the front and gave the old hag a discount to get her out of our store. She looked all smug and relieved and even joked to her husband, "I told you I would get it half off."

I wish I was a bird, I'd take a massive dump on her head!

I am now on a regular schedule. I'm glad they didn't schedule me on Halloween, but I am still bummed out that they are giving me 3pm to 10pm hours...ugh. The busy hours are around that time. And it's the Holidays!

What To Do

2007-10-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day at work and well, it was good. I was a bit nervous, but I did fine. I now work for Big Lots as a cashier.

Today went smoothly. I was presented with an inactive gift card, and I do not know how to activate them. I had this major line as did the other cashier and the customer service rep. I had no clue what to do. I yelled for the Customer Service rep and she went ahead and told my customer to go to her. Thank you! But...I still don't know how to activate a gift card.

Also, today, my store manager walked up to me and said, "Learn everything fast. I have other things for you to do." I didn't know what she meant, so I started cleaning up around my register and then I went to her and said, "What is it you wanted me to do?" She said, "No, I mean, we need a customer service rep and I want you to learn everything because I want you to be that person." Holy cow...do I sniff a promotion already?!

Maybe I won't go back to my career...even though I know I can make more money (at times). Maybe I have a knack for retail? I dunno, we'll see. Working at Burke Williams would be a dream come true, but the fact I like shopping at Big Lots and now I'm working there...hm. What is a chick to do?

Happier than a MoFo

2007-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah! I am so happy. Progressive and the guy's insurance said that I was NOT at fault. By looking at the photographs the guy took, I had veered to the right to avoid the accident, plus I was hit from the side.

All I was worried about really was another notch on our debt belt. We don't have anything to pay and so all is good. My truck's not damaged, my health and my son's health is fine. So, things are good. *RELIEF*

I knew I wasn't at fault, and when that guy was talking all that stuff about, "The vehicle that hit me," omg that irritated me so much. I never hit him, he hit me. I SAW him hitting me. I mean, I was at a complete stop and I saw his car rolling, rolling, rolling and I'm going, "stop, stop, stop," in my head, and the only reason his car stopped because it got stuck on my bumper and I had my foot to the floor on the brake.\

Anyway, I'm happy right now...just totally relieved.

I Was in a Car Accident Today

2007-10-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

By law, it was the guy's fault, but nature it was the parking lot's fault.

I was driving in on Stark and Beach Boulevard to the Sports Chalet parking lot. I looked around and the parking lot was virtually clear, minus all the cars parked. I drive an SUV, a Chevy Suburban, so I can pretty much see over everything. I didn't see any people or moving vehicles, when I chose to cross the parking lot intersection, when I noticed a car driving in to me.

The reason why I didn't see the car and the car didn't see me is because there was a white SUV parked and obstructing both our view. I couldn't see his car because of the SUV, he couldn't see my SUV because of the parked SUV. Plus, there was no Stop Signs at the 4 corner intersection in the parking lot.

I stopped like a deer in headlights, no screetching because neither of us were going fast. In fact I could see down and was watching the corner of his car coming closer and closer to mine, and wondering, "Is it going to hit me or stop short?" Dammit, he hit me.

He hit the front, driver's side bumper, just below my headlight on the tire side. I got a scratch where the coating on my front bumper was scratched off, however his car was damaged.

He was driving a 2005 Impala. Thank goodness it was NOT my fault! He took all these pics on his cell phone and got on his phone and was saying it was my fault. I'm glad he snapped pics because I didn't have my phone or camera on me. There was no anger in his voice and he was shaking more than me. I was just kind of freaking out because I didn't have my phone on me and wanted to call for back up mental support to my husband or someone who's been in an accident with another vehicle before.

Well, he took all my info, and my stupidself let him write all his info without looking it over myself. All I wrote down was his license plate number and make and model and color of car. I came home, BigDaddy yelled at me, and I have now learned my lesson. When someone asks for your information and they write it down, I do exactly as they are doing...I write it down too, and not let the write for me. Anyway, I contacted Progressive (my insurance company) just to let them know the deal.

Two accidents in less than a year (last time I hit a wall while trying to puke out the window)! Go Me...

Car Problems and Jackers

2007-10-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

3 Mexicans attacked my uncle when he was stopped at a stop sign. They were trying to carjack him with knives and gun. He got out and tried to kick their ass. They ended up running away and he called the police. He wasn't hurt.

Dude, I can't believe he got out and started beating on one of them and the other jumped in and he started punching him too. The third guy ran. I'd have rather ran them over if they were in the right spot and/or or sped off. Geez...that's gangsta for ya. Haha.

Anyway, I talked to Progressive Insurance and I have an online claims I can view to see the process of my dispute. I swear I will be PISSED if that guy tries to pin the accident on me. I am pretty sure he will since he was on the phone with his job talking about, "the vehicle that hit mine." I didn't hit him, I was a deer in headlights and he was still rolling...

It's bugging me not knowing.

Our Gardener Stole From Us

2007-10-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

I am SOOOO PISSED. My mom hired gardeners for her lawn after our neighbor's exfriend stole our lawn mower. He stole our lawn mower when he was drunk (I was at work at the hotel, and BigDaddy was sleeping). The lawnmower was in the shed in the back. We didn't call the cops, figuring he must have needed it more than us. That was back in August 2007. So, my mom hires a gardener because nobody has been cutting the grass and it was looking shaggy.

Two days ago I caught our new gardener stealing our cans and bottles. He was supposed to only cut the grass in the front yard. I had heard him in my backyard, so I looked around the corner to see what he was doing and he was looking in our trash bin.

We have 2 trashbins, a black one for trash and a blue one for recyclables. It didn't occur to me to check which bin he was looking in. I didn't realize he was stealing from us. I assumed he was putting a big black bag of grass into our trash. I turned around and went to BigDaddy and said, "What the hell? How cheap is that. They leave us with the trash instead of taking it and putting it in the back of their truck and leaving it at a dump site."

It never registered that the black bag that he was "dumping" was actually our recycleables being stolen. We were going to take our stuff to the recycle company today since we had all our indoor recycleables ready to go. We always come back with nearly $30 off one bag, but we had 2 bags. When money is short, you have others stealing from you...what a crappy thing to do. Seriously.

I Aced That

2007-09-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

At 8am I took my sister to her doctor appointment and the great thing is, right around the corner from her doctor's, not more than a minute away by car, was where I had to be for my job interview. She was in and out of the medical center in a half hour. YAY. Then, we drove over to the Block at Orange to Burke Williams, but everything was still closed, save for Starbucks Coffee. Neither of us are Coffee Drinkers and both of us had low blood sugar, so we went to breakfast.

I still have no money, but she paid for my breakfast, which was at Carl's Jr, and I had a teriyaki burger (those rawk). After that, we mosied on over to The Block's strip and hung out there chit-chatting till my interview. I spent about a good hour and half in the interview just chopping it up with the guy who interviewed me.

First, before I go on with the interview story, I just have to type in all capital letters...HELL YEAH.

Okay, I got that off my chest. I went on my job interview and aced it. The interviewer said, "Wow, it's so refreshing having a seasoned massage therapist. You don't see that often." I had put down $14 an hour for my expected pay and he said, "No, you'll be making $23 an hour." $23 an hour? Holy crap... *backflips*

Well, Wednesday, I have my second interview which is the practical part. They want me to do a full body Swedish massage on a client of theirs in front of the manager. Oh and I forgot to mention, the spa is freakin' BEAUTIFUL. It blew me away. I was excited to be there.

They had Vichy showers, Sauna, Steamroom, jacuzzi, dressing rooms with wooden lockers, aromatherapy rooms, nail spa, a "quiet" room, a room where people could chill on leather couches and eat lunch by a fire place in their robes. Some of the day spa packages were over $700. I can't believe people can afford that. He said the average tip is $20 and if you receive less, then you should wonder about what you have done wrong. I was blown away.

He said he liked my enthusiasm (and I am not usually an enthusiastic person...I'm cynical and nonchalant), but I was so impressed and told him I wanted to be part of this scene. He said that as a worker there, some of my benefits include, 6 free massages a year, 6 free chiropractic adjustments a year, medical benefits and I would get "points" because I am already a licensed and known massage therapist.

*bootyshake*

Wish me luck.

What in Hell Did You Just Say?

2007-07-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

I got a fulltime housekeeping job at a hotel and have put my massage career on the backburner just to make my ends meet with a stable paycheck so my husband would stop bitching.

So yesterday, I got to work a half hour before my scheduled time. I noticed I had a new cart and it was a complete mess and missing items. I found my supervisors and said, "There's no vacuums." The male supervisor said, "I'll get one to you in a few minutes." I decided to stock my entire cart. A half hour went by and still no vacuum. I had no cleansers. I went around looking for bottles to fill with cleanser as I knew where the labels were. I cleaned the bottles, refilled them, put labels on the bottles and put them in my cart. I was missing a toilet brush, a broom, a swiffer-thingamajig, Comet, and a few other odds and ends, not to mention THE VACUUM.

A half hour passed my scheduled start time. This means my idiot supervisor has wasted an entire hour of my time. This has put me behind a half hour. I then went to clean the rooms without all my utilities. I figured I would just finish what I couldn't, but at least get what I could do done. I cleaned up rooms and then supervisors started their inspections.

I was pissed off and even said, "Look, I NEED a vacuum and I NEED [insert my list]." He was like, "Fix this bed over again." Then, the other supervisor in complete Spanish, said something about the dust under the cabinets in the kitchen and wiped her hands under the cabinets and showed me dust. I was pissed off because this is stuff they could write on paper in a list and I could get back to it later. I still had other things to do and they were holding me up.

One of the sentences on my list of duties said, "Clean front door inside." I understood it as clean the front of the inside doors (closets, sliding glass doors, perhaps cabinets). I was insulted by the female as she made it seem I was stupid for not understanding her English when she said, "I write it for you in English." She wanted me to clean the back of each entrance door to the hotel rooms. Well, if that's what she wanted me to do, it should have said, "Clean the back of the front doors," not "Clean front door inside." Another frustrating moment.

Finally, they paired me up with a guy I'll call D.C. (don't want to post his name on the net). Well, we were working and he was my helper (helping me catch up with my duties). Our cart got extremely full of dirty linen and None of the Laundry people were coming by our floor to retrieve the dirty linen. So D.C. said, "Just leave it here." We left it on the floor.

The supervisors come waddling in with ATTITUDE. The male supervisor puts his hands on his hips and says, "Who put the laundry on the floor?" D.C. said, "I don't know what you're talking about?" He had forgotten he put the laundry on the floor before we had moved on to our next rooms. I said, "I know what you're talking about." And then the supervisor said, "Who cleaned up room 260?" I said, "We left it there." And the supervisor said, "That's a No-No." I finally snapped and said over my shoulder, "I'm not a motherfucking child." I couldn't hold back. The supervisor walked off and I made sure he heard me say, "I don't appreciate the way he confronted us. He KNEW we were in 260, but he's going to play headgames and ask us who was in there and who left the laundry. He KNEW who left the laundry. It's like if I know my kids are going to lie to me about who colored on the wall or who spilled orange juice on the counter and didn't clean it up, and I ask them anyway just to watch them lie to me. Instead of confronting us like adults he's talking to us like toddlers. That's a No-No? I'm not his kid."

So I felt he punished me later after D.C. and I finished all our rooms. I got Vaccum duty and had to vaccum the entire 2nd floor. When I was halfway done, the supervisor told me to put the vaccuum up and go downstairs to the breakroom and that we were having a group meeting.

I went downstairs and they did this entire meeting in Spanish and hardly translated to English. Then, he finally starts talking in English. He said, "I know SOME of you go around talking about me and the other supervisors. Don't do that. If you have something to say about us, then say it to us. But if you start talking about us and telling other employees, WE WILL FIND OUT. And you know what, What goes around comes around." I'm thinking WTF is that supposed to mean?

Him and his Mi Vida Loca tattoos and his "What goes around comes around." What the HELL is that supposed to mean? I take it as a threat. So, I'm totally teed.

Today, I went to work and he confronted me with the other supervisor and said, "We notice you get pretty mad when we tell you what to do." I corrected him. I said, "I don't get mad. I get frustrated that you will come at me saying I am behind in work, but you fail to realize I was trained in Spanish, a language I don't speak. There's a total communication problem here. Also, I'm always missing things off my cart. I start an hour later than everybody else, because I get here an hour later than everybody. You can't expect me to have 2 check-outs done when I just got here an hour ago." He said, "Well, you know if you have something to say, we would appreciate you coming to us about it." I said, "If YOU have something you need me to fix, you need to list it as to not take 10 minutes of my time showing me how to wipe a window with Windex. It's not rocket science."
He said, "Look we don't want you to quit on us. We don't want to make this a hard place to work for you." I said, "It's not a hard job. It's just frustrating. That's all."

So, yeah, I've been rather irate with my supervisors. I believe it's a culture clash. Everybody else gets their stuff done on time because they were trained in a language they know. And my husband is telling me to stick it out for the 90 days.

Cops and Lawyers on MY Side

2007-06-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

How interesting. I didn't think she would have it in her. But, THE ONLY person I ever would think would give my personal information out is the only vindictive psychopath I know. When she told me she wanted to commit suicide, I should have bade her farewell and blocked her, instead of making her the moderatator of my group to lift her esteem, only for her to start deleting people she didn't like and banning them only for me not to be able to unban them. This week would have been the week she was to hang out with me in California. She bought plane tickets worth almost $400. She wigged out and changed her mind after jumping to conclusions. Instead, she had about a month's time to marinate in her depression and anger problem (her words not mine) and probably went on an AOL chatroom and gave my address out to some Orange County perverts who like erotic massages. Why, because tonight (evening mind you), some FREAK came here thinking it was a massage parlor. He had his face in my screendoor. Next time some guy does that, he's getting his face punched in by my husband. That is 2 times this week, her week that she was supposed to be here, that this has happend. She knew where I lived, what I did for a living, even went so far as to say I was gay and posted pictures of my children and cropped pictures of my breasts in my teeshirts online. I wouldn't put it past her that she would have done what I suspect. I can't say she DID do this, but she's THE ONLY person I know vindictive enough to do something like this, as she also had put Adeline from Mixie's International (Myspace) up on blast using her pictures before and called her a closet lesbian, too. Only through the internet would she be so bold, because if she ran into someone like me in person, I'd lose my cool and kicked her ass myself.

She's just bold behind her moniter. She knows who to pick on but if she thinks I'm going to be losing sleep over her she has another thing coming. If I find out it is her, rest assured, she WILL get her ass arrested. I don't play endangering my children by having perverts come to my house. What if a pervert is horny and she is chatting online using my pictures and getting him all turned on, having him drive miles and miles to see me, only for me to be like, "GET THE FUCK off my property!!!!" Whomever is giving my address out on the internet and saying I have a massage parlor operating out of my house is a liar and they WILL get theirs when I find out. I have lawyers in my family and friends that are cops. What goes around comes right back around and I'm not the one receiving an SSI check for my psychosis. I'm sane.

Ugh How Annoying

2007-06-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

So, I was in the shower, and like seconds before I got out, the doorbell rang. Some guy was at my door wondering if we were a MASSAGE PARLOR. If my home address was a massage parlor! Within a totally residential area, all the kiddy toys in the front yard, a shirt sun-drying on the trellace, tv blaring loud from the inside (enough for you to hear our TV outside) and he asks if we are a massage parlor. And when asked no, why do you think that? And he said he got it off his GPS system?

WTF. Okay, I'm a massage therapist, but I have never registered a business to my home address. It's always been a PO Box or the actual work-site. I have never worked in my home. If he found it in his GPS system, I'm sure some other guy has it in his. I don't like guys coming to my home. I don't want perverts and psychos at my door. I wonder WHY this has happend and HOW I can have that information fixed.

There are so many male perverts that go get massages, especially those that frequent "PARLORs." I swear I do not want them knocking at my door at 2am. My husband is not home at night and he's the only one in the house that I feel safe with. This is so annoying.

I Wanna Slam a Door

2007-06-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

You ever have rage building up inside you that you want to go off on somebody, slam doors, and punch walls? I'm getting to that boiling point. My kids, I love them and all, but I have NO peace and quiet when they are around me.

I sometimes get so aggravated by them that I blatantly tell them to get out of my room or go away. If I'm sleeping, the youngest wants to climb into my bed. If I'm watching TV, someone's always blabbing. If they go to my sister's they have to call me and interrupt me when I'm cleaning to get on the phone and talk about something they can tell me when they get home. If I'm taking a shower, someone is banging on the door that they have to pee. When I'm sleeping, they come into my room and start playing YouTube on full blast. It NEVER ENDS. I can't get peace and quiet time.

My husband thought it was funny that my body language started to change as I was trying to read. I can't even READ. I hear noise going on and I can't comprehend what I am reading. My daughter was behind me making fart sounds with her armpit. My son was laughing at the fart sounds. The baby was screaming, "Dad, dad, dad, dad..." My brother was standing here talking like anybody is really listening to him and his middle school stories from like 1983. Why do they have to do that when I'm READING?

Sometimes a chick wants her SPACE. Her peace and quiet. Her alone time. I NEVER have it.

Rant & Play

2007-06-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

And people always wonder why I don't speak to my brother. I have an ex-friend who OWES me $300 plus 4 months rent, and more just because of my kindness and caring. My jerkoff brother is STILL talking to them, and still doing them favors. I hate all 3. Not to mention, living in our neighborhood, that I grew up in, people talk. My brother is a freakin neighborhood gossip. Neighbors I do not care to know, know more about me and my family issues more than I know about them and theirs, because my brother's nickname should be Orange County Register.

Someone I would drop after 17 freaking years of friendship, and my brother goes and befriends him behind my back...someone he never even knew existed till a couple months ago when he and my husband moved him in. Someone please smack him. I have lived under the same roof with my brother for going on 2 years now, and I haven't shared a full sentence with him since I told him off in August 2005. My family doesn't seem to get it, and are way too forgiving. To hell with him, he can go eff himself.

Skinhead exfriend bounced a thousand dollar check at our neighborhood liquor store. He also is getting phone calls out the yin-yang on MY phone because he owes child support for his new baby that his felon-convict wife doesn't like, because they "SAY" that condoms were poked with needles and that's how the other chick got pregnant. LOL He doesn't use condoms with people after the second try, because by then he believes they are "clean." He also has 2 other daughters that are on welfare because he is not paying child support. It was heart-breaking because I love his daughters like they were nieces of mine. I have nothing against his daughters. They are sweet and were brought up under Christian faith and are just the kindest and sweetest kids. I HOPE they don't turn out like their father. He's nothing but a felon and that's all he'll ever be. Prison systems do NOT do our felons much justice. They let them out and they get out harder and even more sinister than when they went in. I still give him till December before he winds up in another state penitentiary while his WIFE ends up in a women's pen, because she and HER mother are both known felons for check forgery. Pft, I wonder who talked dummy into cashing an illegal check.

Losers.

I'm sure internet people wouldn't understand and are probably thinking I'm making some BS up because I'm mad. No, unfortunately, these Jerry Springer rejects are REALLY like this. When I say Jerry Springer rejects, they actually called the show to be on it and didn't go just because of change in plans. Yep. *rolls eyes*
Well, Kbear was in a play. He was one of Humpty Dumpty's Friends who couldn't put Humpty together again.

Baby Tyrell

2007-05-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

This is my new nephew Tyrrell. He was born today by emergency C-section, premature at 7 and a half months. He's 2lbs. & 4ozs. Send your prayers, blessings and good energy, that he'll be okay.

Oh Poop

2007-05-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

People are so caught up on American Idol. I admit, I watched it, but the real deal is it wasn't Jordin Sparks that brought tears to my eyes. It was the news after, where I saw a 20 year old soldier, just 3 years older than the American Idol, who just got identified as Joseph Anzack. His body was found floating in the Euphrates River yesterday. It was just reality again that this war is freaking stupid. Many people don't get it, 20 year olds are still kids. They haven't yet lived. This guy grew up to die. It sucks.

On to my son now.
I have been potty training my son since the beginning of May. He's been wonderful about making it to the toilet to pee. But, since the beginning of May he's only pooped 3 times. He's constipated and we are giving him castor oil at the advice of the pharmacist at CVS drug store. I really wanted him to have an enema, but my husband, being all on this macho tip, said NOTHING is going to PENETRATE his son. Whatever. This castor oil thing is not kicking in fast enough for me. I want my son to go.

Now, he had his teaspoon of oil, and then went to sleep. I have him in my bed in case he wakes up and has to poop. The messed up thing is that all he's been doing is farting some NASTY funky farts. I have the fan on to blow the smell in the opposite direction.

The reason he's not pooping is because he's being shy. When he was in his diapers in April, he would hide in a closet or play alone and poop. The bad thing is is that his siblings would make rude comments like they don't stink when they take a dump, making him feel self-conscious. Now that he's potty training he's not pooping because I or his father is the one taking him to the bathroom and we KNOW what he's doing...it's not a hide-and-go-poop. If he doesn't poop by 12noon tomorrow, I'm taking him to his doctor. Pooping once a week is not normal.

Running from the Police

2007-05-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

I worked yesterday. Yay. Most people hate working, but I feel idle and bored as hell when I'm not working. I did the stay-home-mom thing years ago and I just can't hang. No wonder why they didn't hire me at the Discovery Zone when I was a teenager. I remember after the interview the interviewer said, "I don't think working with children is right for you."

Today, I'm home, so I slept in and I heard the loud noise from the street sweeper. My instinct was to look out the window to see where my truck was. It was in the street and the sweeper JUST went around it. So, I yelled to my husband and he ran out there to drive the truck away so we don't get a ticket by the Westminster cop guy that passes tickets out on street sweeper day. We're such criminals... I feel slightly guilty and yet, I know we can't afford another bill.

Mother's Day 2007

2007-05-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this morning and was not greeted by hugs or kisses, as he knows my style. I was greeted by a "Happy Mother's Day." This year there were no flowers, because he also knows I'm not really into flowers. Instead he asked, "What movie do you want to go see?" I didn't know what was playing and I know my boys are into Spiderman, and being a mother is all about seeing my kids happy, so Spiderman is what we saw.

This movie had me about to fall asleep, but it wasn't till the end, when I could compare my friendship with Spiderman's. I won't make this a spoiler, so I won't go there. It shows meaning of friendship, and that it means, thickness and thin, even through misunderstandings. It did strike a nerve, so yeah, I'm glad I saw it, boringness and all. Oh, if you like to jump...this movie had a few scenes that could make you jump. My kids were bored by it. My eyes rolled up in my head a few times and I about nodded off. The fact there were loud noises is what kept me alert.

We went to Mario's at 5 Points Center. I had Combo 2, which was cheese Enchilada, Chile Relleno with rice and beans. I love Mexican food. It's like a food high for me. I over-ate. We took some pictures today. BigDaddy's going to get me a new ring that I saw today, tomorrow when the kids are in school.

This evening, after my mom comes home from work, we will celebrate her late birthday. She turned 67 today. My mom's totally wacky, but I love her.

Me and the babies who make me a Mommy. I love them.

Me and the curly-cues. They are getting so tall.

Outside my sister's house. Something wicked this way comes...

You made me go through 27 months of hell and about 3 days worth of labor, to give me my beautiful lovelies.

Perhaps I was Mexican in my past life. I actually sat around and waited to be seated for a long time. They gave me a pager to use so they could alert me when a table was available.

My munchkins waiting on our menus.

Me and Bubba waiting for our menus. I'm wearing my wedding ring again...

I hadn't kissed him in a long, long time.

First kiss in a long time.

And it continues. He needs to shave his face... He asked me if he should shave and I said, "No, leave it..." I appreciate him for HIM, as he is...

Wish Me Luck

2007-05-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

I went on a job interview for a temporary clerical position. I am trying to earn extra cash to kick it this summer as the massage business is sucking fat ones. I get nothing but perverts online and most women want to go to a day spa, not realizing they are paying almost twice as much for a mediocre massage from someone who just got out of massage school like 2 months ago, than with someone like me for less the amount and a lifetime of experience. It blows me away.

This interview was at Coast Marine, which is a full service provider for Yachts and Sport/Fishing boats. He asked me my intentions and I did mention in my online resume and in person that I am trying to make extra cash for my mini-vacation. I didn't want to put online I was looking for a full-time position as I do not want to be on a 90 day probation period from illness, vacation or funerals. I'm also not familiar with being an actual employee as I have always been an independent contractor or ran my own business.

This building is about 100 feet from the edge of a cliff that overlooks the ocean. It's hawt. I think he does have intentions on hiring full-time/non-temp later. Wish me luck. I hope I get the job.

Weekend Recap

2007-05-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

It's Monday. I should do my weekend recap.
Saturday, I went on my job interview. Prior to leaving I felt totally boyish. I felt like I looked like a long-haired guy, like how my brother looked when his hair was long. So, I panicked because I couldn't find my make-up bag. BigDaddy found it for me, and I put on a shell-colored lipstick, lip-gloss, eyeliner and groomed my eyebrows a bit. I felt pretty upon leaving, but my clothes were nothing I normally would wear. I just didn't want a future male boss to get any ideas if I showed more skin, so I completely covered up wearing a long button-down shirt, pinstriped slacks and dress shoes.

Upon leaving, I picked up my new birth-control glasses. That's what the military calls thick, framed, black glasses. I drove to Newport Beach for the job interview. It was in an upscale area, overlooking the ocean. I so want that job, and he said he'd call me on Sunday. He never did. The afternoon is starting to end, and he still hasn't called or emailed me. I'm wondering if he meant next Sunday, as I said I would be available the following Monday. I don't know, but my ego is a bit bruised.

Meanwhile, a temp agency located in Newport Beach wants me to come down and do a job interview. I'm not so sure anymore. It's getting later and later. I think I'll just hold out till after Fran gets out here. I'm still trying to get my hustle on selling massages. It's just not in demand with the cost of living lately. Perhaps I need a new career.

So, after I got back from the job interview on Saturday, BigDaddy told me that my sister called and said she was having an after-birthday party. I did something out of the usual...I sang Karaoke and danced the Hokey-Pokey dance as well while singing the Hokey Pokey song that my sister chose for me. How embarassing. Everybody was watching. The karaoke cds record a score for you, so it's like a game, too. The songs I karaoked were:
Eternal Flame - Bangles
I Had The Time of My Life - Warner/Medley
When Doves Cry - Prince and the Revolution
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice (and I got a high score for rockin' the mic, yo)
Don't Speak - No Doubt
Thriller - Michael Jackson
Small Town - John Cougar Mellencamp
What's Up? - 4 Non-Blondes (I got a high score on this, too)
Like a Surgeon - Wierd Al Yankovich
Hokey Pokey -
Happy Birthday To You -
There were other songs I sang but I can't remember them all.

I'm such a dork. I guess after a while it got fun...but I'm not ON-KEY all the time. I have a soft voice, so sometimes I can't bellow out certain words and they come out different than the singer who sang the original song.

Kbear and Me. He just acts like I bug him.

He doesn't smile for pics, so this was better than a poker-face.

Since we were in the mood for face-making...Bubba and I stuck our tongues out.

My kids' have big feet. I only wear a size 7.5-8 in women's. They are both like a size smaller than me.

Bubba is low-riding.

Meanmuggin' the camera. Whatchu lookin at willis?

My daughter and I. She's my little copycat.

But at least she loves me. Bubba is looking at my armpit hair. J/K

My sister and I. What's up with my hair?

This is difficult, but this would be my Step-Great-Niece and a sideview of my nose. My sister's step-granddaughter, Kalei.

Me and the munchkins.

My brother-in-law. My sister's husband puttin' it down.

Cognac sounded almost tempting. But I am a non-drinker so I did the Karaoke sober. What a nutcase.

I'm gonna knock you out. Mama said knock you out. My fist on his cheek.

Oysters are as fugly. And BigDaddy was getting ready to eat it. Bleck.

It supposedly gives a man some yang.

8 feet deep.

My daughter floating.

My son floating.

My son contemplating on if he wants to immerse his whole body in the cold water with his auntie.

My husband, brother Tom, and sister Jeri. Yup I have siblings named Tom and Jeri.

My Step-nephew Mike, his girlfriend Moni, their daughter Kalei, and my son Bubba. Everybody wants to adopt a brown baby into their family.

Close your eyes. Give me your hand, Darling. Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning and eternal flame?

Say my name. The sun shines through the rain. A whole life, so lonely. And you'd come and ease the pain. I don't wanna lose this feeling. Ohhhhh.

Jeri singing something I didn't know.

Penis Brains

2007-05-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

I've been advertising to women online. I'm tired of guys calling and asking nasty questions or emailing with dirty questions. Either way, I guess it's inevitable. Guys with brains in their penis do not know how to read. It says I massage WOMEN and it says NON-SEXUAL.

So, I got this in the email:
BUSCO MUJER PARA SEXO EN TIJUANA PAGO 100 DOLARES X 1 HORA DE SEXO Y SI TIENEN CAMARA MEJOR YOTENGO CAMARA LISTA PARA QUE VEAN MI VERGA...SOLO EN TIJUANA

This guy said he would pay me to have sex with him for $100 for the hour in Tijuana, Mexico. Then he says to bring my camera so I can have a picture of his yard. What a FREAKING PERVERT.

And then I got an email alert that I had a new voicemail. I have a separate voicemail than the one with my cellphone because I can differentiate who's calling. Strictly voicemail means a client. Voicemail on my cell phone is everybody else. This guy said, "I went to your job and I didn't know which suite to go to. Also I got your number from the internet off Massageanywhere.com."

First of all, my voicemail is strictly business, and secondly, I only post it when I post ads FOR WOMEN. What is HE thinking? Why is HE going to my job when my ad also says NO SAME DAY APPOINTMENTS. What a 'tard.

And no, this does not mean that my friends and family who have been men or made same-day appointments are retarded. It's the fact that people do NOT READ my ads, when I post them. How aggravating.

My Mom is Rude

2007-05-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

My mom can be downright cruel and not even intend on hurting my feelings. She just says things and it floats off her tongue smooth like wind. Today, my mom and I went to the city of Fullerton to renew our licenses (my business and massage license, her business license). We got there too early, so the police cadet told us we could either wait or come back in an hour. So we left.

Upon walking out the door, a Korean lady was sitting there reading something and then recognized my mom from somewhere. So, my mom and she start chit-chatting. I'm on the sidelines just chillin', drinking my water, looking at cacti and other succulents that grow outside the police station, waiting to go.

All of a sudden my mom and this women start reading some biblical stuff and then they end up praying in Korean to Yesu (Jesus in Korean). I walked away from that. The lady got up about 15 minutes after the prayer and comes up to me to discuss listening to her Presbyterian CD and I was pretty rude, which I didn't mean to be. I just get tired of people trying to convert me or pushing their beliefs on me. She put her hand on my arm to show her friendliness and I pulled my arm away and I saw her reaction like I had offended her or that she felt she offended me. I'm just not a touchy-feely person. It was a natural reaction, not a hateful reaction.

I then said, "Giving me your CD would be wasting your cd and your time. Please give it to someone who is willing to listen. I have to be honest, I won't listen to it." My mom goes, "Take the CD." I said, "No...I won't listen to it. I'm not converting to the Presbyterian Church nor want to listen to their testimonies. I'm sorry." So, the lady said, "That's okay."

My mom and she start talking in Korean and I walk away because I can't understand the language and don't really care what they are talking about. The lady then said to me, "You know you are so pretty." My mom said, in English to the woman, "She used to be pretty. Now she is old."

I didn't say anything in hopes the topic of my looks would change. I just acted like I didn't hear it. Later, I told my mom that I didn't like that comment. She said, "It's the truth. You are not pretty anymore."

My mom paid for my licenses. I guess that's like the pervert uncle who molests you and pays your way through college (I heard Chris Rock say that).

SLIDESHOW: My Day in San Diego

2007-03-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

I went to San Diego yesterday. First, I drove to my sister Jeri's house in Fountain Valley and we carpooled the family to San Diego. I thought we would never make it because there was traffic going South on the 5 freeway for no freakin' reason, really. It just seemed to be really slow and then suddenly it sped up again. It was like WTF. So, anyway, we got there AT the time we were supposed to be there.Finally, we got to the park the party was going to be at and we had a ball. There was fried chicken, hot wings, roast beef and turkey sandwiches, potato salad, chips, pineapples, watermelon, cantaloupe, and honeydew melon. It was really nice picnicking with my relatives.

I let Anya use my camera so there's a lot of pics with her in it. I know she's a teenage myspacer, so I let her use my camera.

Screw the Goodwill

2006-11-09T17:59:00.000-08:00

I decided to go to the Goodwill off Commonwealth in Fullerton, earlier this evening. My son was sleepy, and I did not bring a stroller. I went in looking for a cart. I didn't see any, so I asked the cashier if there were any carts available. She quickly replied, "Uh, if you don't see any, then they are being used."

I tried to put my son down, and he said, "No walk." So, I had to pick him up again, because he was tired. She heard this and said, "The next available shopping cart is yours. What's your name?" I told her. She said, "Okay, I'll call you when there's an available cart." I started walking around, but keeping a close proximity to the cash registers, as I wanted to make sure I was next in getting a cart.

Suddenly, this fat chick, holding two items that would easily fit into a carryall basket, went up to a Hispanic worker and said something in Spanish to her. That woman gave the cart to her. I was livid. I finally made sure to yell across the building, "Mom, I don't want to shop here. I can't carry my son." I walked out. Then, my mom followed me out and was embarrassed that I had made a scene. I was like, "I'm gonna go make another one."

I went back in to the store with my son, walked to the cashier and said, "Can I get the number to your corporate office?" She said, "You want this woman's shopping cart, she's done?" I said, "No, now I'm pissed. I don't want to shop here. You guys get free stuff donated to your store all the time, every day, and sell used shirts with armpit stains on them or outdated for $5.99 plus tax, but don't have enough shopping carts to go by. I need to contact your corporate office. I own a business (which I sold yesterday, but I needed to throw it in) and know that customer service is not skipping over a customer. That woman with the stupid stuffed toys, she could have held those in the basket. But you guys gave her a cart. Me, I wouldn't have bought stuffed animals and garbage...I was thinking about spending probably a lot more than what she is going to...now I won't. I want the number to your corporate office so I can tell them they need to get some shopping carts in here."

Whatever, maybe I was over-reacting, but being skipped over because I can't woo a woman with my Spanish pissed me off.

SOLD

2006-11-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

I finally SOLD it. It's a long story about how we did it, which entails car-sick, migraine headache, irritability...and it was all worth it. It was like going through a crappy pregnancy and having a beautiful baby...well worth every minute of it.

Today, we went to the P.D. and had ownership changes made. We needed a proof of notorized bill of sale. Yes, the Vice Squad is my boss...hence the reason why "Investigations" is circled. The ladies with me said the cadet was checking me out. *blush*

I ended up with these Cashier's Cheques and written personal checks. All equalling LOTS of money. Okay, not lots, but enough to make me smile really big and stand there not knowing what I want to do next. I guess taking a picture of it was what I would do next so I can swoon over something I have never had before in my hands...

This picture may look like one from last year when I took a pic in the same jacket wearing dior glasses (like the header of my blog), but I promise it's a different photo.Winter time is around the corner and it was a bit chilly out so out came last year's jacket and another vintage set of sunglasses. I was grinning ear to ear all day.

I think I want to buy a car. I'm carless since the car got reposessed last month. They should have waited it out and they would have had that measly $300. Oh well...I guess I'll have to dish out a couple thousand to someone else.

I Was Kidnapped and Taken to the Beach

2006-11-05T18:02:00.000-08:00

Kimberly showed up like 5 minutes after I made it to work. It's like WTH are you doing here all the way from Arizona and we really haven't talked about it??? How the heck did you find my work?!

So, we messed with her boyfriend who we call Safeway. I didn't know anything about him, really, but I was going off my hater-instincts and treated him like nil on Myspace. He is (will be off after I blog this) on my "Blocked" list.

Anyway, we made it to Huntington Beach.

Joey the Pyro who was gassing up our bonfire.

The Mousketeers in the Mickey Mouse tent.

Bubba enjoying the sand.

My friends. I've known them both since I was 12. Kim and Joey. We're a cute bunch.

I just got done yelling at the kids. They wanted to go play and I wanted them to pose.

Kim and "Safeway." That's our little inside joke for her guy Alex.

Kim and her daughter, "Cook."

About 2 seconds before I yelled at them for almost catching a blanket and some shoes on fire by flicking ash and coals with sticks. Boys will be boys.

Kim and I.

Safeway is starting to grow on me. LOL

Safeway. I can't seem to get his full head in the pictures.

Bubbs will need a bath when we get home...

Halloween 2006

2006-11-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

I was Kayako Saeki from the Grudge.

My dead daughter and me.

My reaper son, and myself.

Spongebeezy and Me.

My immortal children.

I Lost My Cool

2006-09-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

So, my aunt calls me up at work and says, "Yuney wants her $3,000 check back. It's not yours. It's hers. You have to give it back." She repeated herself in different ways, over and over again. I finally got sick of my aunt and said, "I gotta go. Good bye." She said, "Okay, good bye."

I then, called BigDaddy up to vent all my frustrations. I was cussing up a storm...something that'd make a sailor blush. I was so mad, I said, "Call Yuney up on 3 way. I would actually prefer you to talk to her, because I'm going to go off and I don't want to." He said, "No, you talk to her, and you tell her."

So, he called Yuney, and she said, "Hello?" I said, "Hi, Yuney. My aunt called me saying you keep calling her to give the check back. Lady, you're not getting that check back. [interrupt] You need to stop calling her because you wrote the check out to me. If you want your check back, you need to sue me. [interrupt] If you don't leave my aunt alone, I will get the police involved in your harassment. Don't make me go there. [interrupt] Oh, and you don't stop cutting people off...stop trying to interrupt. I called you. That means I want you to hear me. I didn't call you to listen to you. I held the business for you with that $3,000 and you tried to pull the business out from under my feet without paying me the amount I asked for. You're a thief and you will not get a check back, because it was used to hold a business you tried to steal from me, and in the end, I had to pay the rent, the utilities, and hold out to resell the business again. So if you want the money back, take me to court. I have witnesses; a police officer and a landlord." BigDaddy hung up on her.

While I was talking she kept saying, "No...no...no...but...no....you..." I can't stand that shady wench. She knew about leases, something I didn't understand, and tried to snag my business from me, because I was on a month-to-month lease. She went behind my back early this month, and offered my landlord a 3 year lease, and offered to pay 10 cents more than what I was paying. So, he was down to kick me out and let her in. I had to bargain him and I said, "I'll go on a five year lease, with a 3 year option to continue or quit, with 10 cents more..." Then, I called the police department and made sure her permit, that she went and got behind my back, was cancelled and mentioned that she does NOT work at 2441 E. Orangethorpe. Pisses me off!!!

So, today I was able to finally give her a piece of me. Then, my buyer, Razmik, has been so sweet about it. He's really nice, has been keeping in touch with me and ONLY me, not dragging my family members into my deal. So far, I feel lucky. I gave him a copy of a Bill of Sale, and once my landlord gives permission to transfer my lease into Razmik's name, then he will pay me, and we will have the Bill of Sale notarized, and taken to the police department to transfer my company into his name. $25,000 for me. Yay. Yuney can kiss me where the sun don't shine.

Friends Who Really Aren't Friends

2006-09-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, it happend again. Last night, while at work, I saw an older friend's phone number (when I say older, she's in her 50s). So, I picked up the phone and I hear, "[Eva]...blahblahblahblah." My husband was in the background shouting obscenities at her and she would turn around and yell at him back. I hung up the phone. I do not have time for nonsense.

The phone rang again, but I did not want to answer. My mom answered (we've been at MY spa, because the last deal didn't go through). When my mom answered, I got on the other phone and listened. She was saying, "I want my cages back. I didn't give them to you."

Okay, get this OVER a year ago, this woman had my mom and I take some animal cages home to stick in front of our house and sell for her. They never sold. Months go by and she never asked about them, would come over and our pets would be in them. And now, she wanted them back.

I have to mention, that whenever she would come over before, she wanted to take a shower, spend the night, store her food in our refridgerator, wash her clothes in our washer and dryer, and borrow my clothes. I would never ask for my clothes back. In fact, I would just tell her she could have them. She is a drifter and I figure she needed them more than me. Never have I asked for money to use our stuff. However, cages that she abandoned long ago...she came to get them back and was going to sell them in a yard sale in front of my home that she got a police permit for (we allowed for her to have a yard sale). I cannot believe the audacity. She just uses us.

So, my mom told her to please stop yelling, that my son is sick and my husband needs to be asleep because he has to go to work at night. V (the lady's initial) was still screaming, "He's on drugs. He's psychotic. I want my cages back. The agreement was...." My mom hung up the phone.

She called back again, and this time I heard my husband clearly say, "Get out of my house, or I will call the police on you. You aren't taking s*** and you aren't selling the cages." She said, "Call the police. I will call [Eva] to verify the agreement when the police gets here." I was so mad. How could she abandon something so long ago, come to my house over and over again, borrow or use my stuff and then hurt my childrens' feelings by taking away their pets' homes?

About 10 minutes goes by and a phone number I didn't recognize called. He identified himself as a Westminster Police officer, calling in regards to some cages that "BigDaddy and V" is fighting over. I explained the situation and then he asked to speak to my mom. My mom said, "Tell V to take her cages and go home." I don't think he understood her, so I got on and said, "My mom said she wants her to take the cage, because she doesn't want to deal with the fighting and having people call us at work over and over about some cages. It's gotten way out of hand."

The cop instead, told V that he could not take the cages and that it was a civil suit. That we could keep the cages. However, BigDaddy having allowed all that drama, decided to let V have the cage. And, after all, I'm MAD at her. Of all the freebies she got from us and she using us...then coming over about some cages she abandoned long ago and take away from my children...I don't like her anymore. I'm done with her. She was a sue-happy person. She sued everybody she lived with or worked for (and I refuse to be part of her cage lawsuit). We'll allow her to have her yardsales Monday-Wednesday beginning Oct. 4th, (of all stupid days to have a yard sale), and then she needs to get her stuff out from the side of our house, or it's being donated to Goodwill. I am done with it.

I Screamed Bloody Murder

2006-09-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

I walked into the backyard, and the grass was overly grown. There were tons of webs going from tree to tree, with these big brown spiders that clutter the yard every year. The rest of the year, I have no clue where they go, but every Summer and Fall they hang from the trees.

There were so many spiders, I was pinned up against the wall. I couldn't make it back out of the yard, and I was paranoid. So, I yelled for BigDaddy to come help me, to knock the webs down. He stood there just staring at them and thought it was neat to look at. We saw brown beetles with little pinchers crawling all over the place, and ending up getting wrapped up in Spider web as the spiders prepared to suck the life out of them.

I was shivering, as I hate bugs and they do that to my nerves. My son was getting ready to run into the yard, when I screamed, "No, stop....there's spiders everywhere!" He stopped and had this big smile on his face. He went back in the house, grabbed a piece of bread and used it to pick up a beetle. This beetle was bigger than the rest, about the length of a slice of Wonderbread! I was sitting on the ground, pinned against the brick wall, and he threw the bread on top of my head, with the beetle inside it. I screamed bloody murder...and I woke up at work.

Can you believe I took a nap at work and had a bug nightmare that made me scream in my sleep!? How embarassing.

Is Stupid Written on My Forehead?

2006-09-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

People must see something that I don't see when I look at myself in the mirror. Do I come across as naive? Do I come across as childish? Do I come across as a push-over? I don't know what it is, but people must think I'm a total idiot.

I wish there was a way for me to prove people wrong. How do I go about it? What should I do? People I give second chances to, do me bad a second time, then a third time. People think they can rob me. People think they can steal fro me because I don't understand real estate terminology. I read, People...I do read about the law. I do know a little bit of a lot, and a lot about a little. People think they can lie to me over and over and that I will never find out the truth, that people don't talk. I know more people than I talk about...I just keep my friends close and my enemies closer...

I guess I think I know the answer...they take my kindness for a weakness.

Work It, Work it Girl

2006-09-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

First off, the deal with YUNEY...yes I had to say her name, did not go through. I had no knowledge that a month-to-month lease was not a lease at all. She did. She went to the landlord personally and got ready to sign lease papers with him. Then, she demanded that I pay September's rent so she could move in in October. She gave me a $3,000 check to hold the place for her back in August. I turned people away who had better offers for my business, because I liked her. Poor judgement on my part. She made me look irresponsible to my landlord. She also went and tried to negotiate a cheap price from my landlord. She tried to STEAL my business from me. I may be young, but I'm not stupid! So, I got gangster on her...

I went to the police department and said, "Yuney is not my partner. I know she went down there to get a partnership business permit. We have no contract agreement, and I don't want her as a partner. Please remove her as an owner of my business." They bowed down.

I went to the landlord, signed a 5 year lease, with a 3 year option. I did have to pay him rent and a 10% late fee of $300 and some dollars.

Yuney called me and was LIVID. She's like, "I want my $3,000 back." I said, "Listen, you caused me to lose money, waiting on you. You are not getting it back. I held that business for you, and you tried to steal it from me and get it for free. You made me look bad in front of my landlord by putting things off, trying to negotiate a cheap price. You disrespected me by not paying the rent and bossing me around and then had the audacity to cuss my husband and my aunt out. I don't do business with disrespectful, unprofessional, and shady people." She cut me off and then I said, "And you never listen. You cut people off. You done messed with the wrong person. If you want your money back, send me court papers so I can counter-sue you, too."

Yesterday night she called my aunt and was like, "Sorry for leaving all those messages. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you. I want my check back and I'll be picking it up." If she only knew I used her check to pay the rent that she owed, paid the electricity, and the phone bill. Dumb broad.

Today, I made an offer for $40,000. The guy is some kind of European (Czech or Russian). He tried to negotiate a lower price, I bumped it to $38,000. He's like, "Why only 2,000?" I said, "Because it's actually worth $80,000." I'm broke, really...and I'm not dealing with cheap business people anymore. Let me make the negotiations...not YOU!

So, negotiating a decent price with my Food Drive has really paid off. I made $140 in tips alone, not to mention the couple hundred I made doing massages on discount, because they gave me canned food. I'm on a roll, so I think...

Our http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=983167#cars are both broken. I'm back to carpooling with my Mama.

1st day of School, Crotch and Birthday...

2006-09-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

So, "Stinky" at work, as I have secretly called her in my head, walked in the office, IN A SKIRT, and grabbed body spray from the drawer and sprayed it into the air and then around her body. I acted like I didn't notice.

Then, she sat down, and while I was eating a Lunchable, stacking ham and cheddar onto a cracker she goes, "I got the result of my Pap Smear that I took last week. And it's all good. I'm free from any STDs." I was like, "That's good," then I popped the cracker into my mouth, thinking the conversation was over. Upon chewing, she goes, "But, the doctor said I did have some bacteria..." I almost threw up. Everything became a blur, and as she spoke, each word went in one ear and out the other. All I had was a stinky visual of last week. You don't talk about vaginal bacteria when someone's eating cheese...sorry, that's just GROSS.

Rewind to this morning... Today, was my older kids' first day back at school. Here's some pictures.

Sici on the way to the car.

Sici and KBear in front of my car.

KBear on campus, running to me from his classroom, after he dropped his backpack off.

His, "Stop bothering me," face. I kept snapping pictures.

When I got home from work, it was my baby's birthday. Everything was already prepared when I got home. They were all waiting on me.

Messy face...

Messy face and messy shirt... Kids will be kids.

When we lit the candle, the baby blew it out before we even got the word, "Happy" out of our mouths. We relit it and started singing, and he blew it out after we got to, "to you..." in the song. We relit it, and BigDaddy put his hand in front of the baby's mouth because he kept puckering his lips to blow the candle out. We finally got to the end of the song and he pulled his hand off, and the baby blew the candle out.

Movies, Bathroom Mayhem, and my Digicam

2006-09-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write about today before I forget about today. I went to Walmart and bought a Samsung Digital camera. I can erase camera off my wishlist, now. I treated myself to it...after my last picture I emailed to myself from my telephone, I just was so disgusted at the blurriness, I HAD to get a new camera. Yay, something worth more than $10 in a LONG time. Haha.

Then we went to Westminster 10 to see what was playing. I had no clue what any of the movies were about, but we were about an hour too early for any of the movies. We went to Carl's Jr (to you other state people Carl's Jr is the California version of HARDEES...) After Carl's Jr we went to the movies.

We chose Wicker Man. No, it's not a horror movie as much as it is a suspense and man-hater movie. Haha My baby kept screaming MAMA, DADA or MINE. He was fighting over drinks, over popcorn, over candy. So, his dad picked him up and took him outside for a minute and then they stayed at the back of the theater.

I had to bail out because, okay this is gonna be TMI, I had gotten ill half way through the movie and had to go use the lady's room...the dreadful public restroom. I couldn't help it...I had to use it. The greasy butter was getting to me, not to mention the dairy in my food from earlier (I'm newly lactose intolerant). If you've ever read my other lactose intolerant stories in the archives and what the milk products do to me...oh boy...this time was bad. It had to be in a public place...

Well, little Chrispers is going to be 2 years old on September 6th, the same day the older kids go back to school. Geez...time goes by fast.

Because my cuzzo Lee did it, I'm gonna post my celebrity crushes... *bites my knuckles*

My types would be:
Johnny Depp

Lenny Kravitz

Maxwell

Olivier Martinez

Marcus Schenkenberg

Mark Wahlberg

Even when I have money I'm broke...

2006-09-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

So, I got desperate and cashed the money I got for the downpayment on my business. It makes me ill. The first thing I bought was black hair dye. I figure my roots are near black, so might as well just black up all my hair and I won't have to worry about dark roots anymore. I'm not used to my black hair. Get this, with all the money I had in hand, I got the cheapest box of black hair dye. I'm so used to frugal shopping that I felt guilty if I were to buy something worth more. I thought hair dye is hair dye...so I bought the Dark N Lovely, black girl hair dye. It worked the same...for $4.99.

Next, my husband found my phone and I went ahead and paid my cell phone bill. I only had about 2 minutes left on the phone.

Third, the cable bill was paid. Car insurance was paid.

I'm pretty much broke again. $3,000 is really NOTHING.

I keep trying to take pictures of myself with black hair, but I am just not feeling cute lately...I'm going through an insecure stage at the moment for some odd reason. I'm really self-conscious lately.

I have some new Kung Fu shoes...they were pretty hot in LBC back in the early 1980s. I used to rock white or black with brown soles. I'm rocking the black with brown soles...and they just make me happy. I do day dream about childhood a lot. I miss being ME...

Wash your labia and carry some wipeys

2006-08-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

I wish skanky girls would learn to WASH their labia before they put on a miniskirt and thong. The ripe smell permeating down your legs is NOT cute with your pumps, when you stand next to me. *gags*

/end Rant...will elaborate later.

...Continued from earlier....
Now that I am home from work, I can bag on my stinky co-worker. See she goes around talking about EVERYBODY behind their back and whines that people say she's not doing work. Well, for the most part she's at work playing on Myspace and uploading stupid pictures into her photobucket to leave all over peoples' comments.

Anyway, so, I was sitting in HER chair, on the computer. She walked in, and she had this miniskirt on. She stood right next to me and I smelled this stench. *for the record, I JUST shivered as I am reliving the event* This odor was a cross between urine, butter, sweat, must, public restrooms. I'd call it rotten crotch. I haven't smelled anything like it before, and it totally grossed me out. Every time she'd move the smell would drop out of the bottoms of her thongs and hit the oxygen I have to breathe.

I can't see why ANYBODY, girls who like girls, guys who like girls would like a girl. If that is a normal smell and that's what keeps guys chasing tail...you all are nasty. See, it wasn't the first time I had smelled her.

Before, I thought it was just something in the air. But last time I smelled that exact odor she was in her little skirt. That was last week. When she wears pants I don't smell anything. It's when she wears skirts. I'm thinking, what is she doing in the shower in the morning? Is she using soap down there? I wish there was a "how to wash your labia" tutorial on myspace. Someone needs to point her to it. Or perhaps she's peeing and the drippy drips that didn't come out till she stood up off the toilet fell into her thongs?

I'm thinking about some chick's drawers way too hard. I think I'm gonna quit now. I'm thoroughly grossed out. Like my friend Tamiko said...CRUSTY.

The Clock Is Ticking

2006-08-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

The clock is ticking away. September is just around the corner, and I have been under so much stress. Everybody is hitting me up for money, sending me bills, "your bill is overdue" letters, etcetera. People say I'm moving too fast. Others say I'm moving too slow. I'm being called in two directions. People keep giving me guilt trips. I'm sick of it all.

My business is handled. The lady wrote me a $3,000 check. However, I was rather ticked the other day, that after work, I went to my business and stripped it all I could and all that would fit into my car. My husband says I am moving too fast, and that if I just leave a little bit, then the woman will have a business to operate. I took lamps, sheets, towels, oil, detergents/cleanser...everything I could. Now the place looks like the shell of a massage business.

Today, as a family, we're going to the spa and putting things back, cleaning up, and exiting... The lady keeps trying to talk me down on my price. No freakin' way will I go lower.

I'm stressed at my new job, too. I just got talked about behind my back...and then confronted. Thursday, my husband called my work over and over again and nobody was picking up the phone. I've been told "not to answer the phone." I don't know why considering I am an independent contractor and advertise for myself. Something's got to give. But anyhow, this chick FINALLY answered the phone, and BigDaddy was on the other end. He said, "Y'all need to fix your phones. I been trying to call for about an hour and nobody would pick up. When someone finally picked up, it would be a fax machine." She handed me the phone and that was that.

Friday morning, my friend/boss asks me, "What's up with your husband calling here and yelling at the receptionist and saying all this stuff?" I didn't understand...but I had to play it off because my husband...well, I GOT HIS BACK. I was at work, mad.

See, this girl, she acts like she's doing a whole lot, but I see tons of projects not getting done. I see her getting attitude with people. She has a Myspace window open as she does her projects and her instant messenger on. I've been a boss before, however I can't say anything at this place. But, man, she does more catching up with her Myspace Mail and uploading new pictures, than typing reports, documents, forms, and wasting time. If someone needs to be talked about...it's HER, not me and mine.

I AM MAD

2006-08-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

My mom, her sister, and their friend are a bunch of shady hos. I can't stand any of them at this point. I could go up to their friend Yuney and punch her in her face thrice. My business is FOR SALE. I said to everybody that came to check my place out, that I need a downpayment of $3,000 to hold it for them. First come, first served. Nobody paid me.

Guess what my mom's wench friend did, guess what she did... She went to the police department, and got an OWNERSHIP license without MY CONSENT. I have not seen one red penny from this lady. Yet, she produced a FAKE partnership and is an owner of MY spa. I see a lawsuit if this doesn't get taken care of. My mom's like, "Don't call the police..." Why the hell not? So, the shady Koreans can stick together? I don't think so!

Then Yuney, being all shady and sh, went to my landlord and told him she was the new owner with her OWNER'S PERMIT.

That's MY business. I OWN IT. I put my money into that, my hard labor, my time, my name on the lease, my phone, my credit card machine, my phone number, my massage tables, my refridgerator, my electricity...and took MY losses trying to keep it productive. I couldn't care less what they think...tomorrow, IT'S ON... She's going to get hers.

My mom protecting that ho? My mom was never "real" with me...now this has truly confirmed it.

\rant

Scared Smart

2006-02-04T18:21:00.000-08:00

My baby has mastered the word "Uh-oh." He sings it, says it, drones it, plays on it (like he'll use his finger on his mouth as he says uh-oh and it comes out uh-ohohohohohohoho). He's gotten very stingy and doesn't like to share anything with anybody. Everything is, "My," which means mine or "Dutch" which means don't touch.
My oldest child, my daughter has made it into the Gifted Children's program at her school. She is 9 years old and was reading at a 7th grade level last month, and is now reading at a 10th grade level. The girl is starting to scare the hell out of me. It's horrible when you have a child correcting YOU on grammar...it's almost embarassing. Yet, I'm proud of her. However, I don't know what kind of books she should read, because anything over a 3rd grade level is too grown up for her taste. 10th grade books would be like Sweet Valley High and they talk about making out and stealing boyfriends and stuff, and my daughter is not into that kind of stuff yet. So, these kinds of books are hard for her to get in to.
My middle son is just your average kid...he's a happy, sweet, helpful child. He excells in reading, but he's not as "smart" as his sister, who also likes to brag about her smarts... *rolls eyes*
I raised my prices at work. I soooo know the cheap clients are going to disappear and I need them as well, but I guess that makes more room for the clients that don't mind spending an extra $10 for our services. I'm worried about my business. They upped my CAM (clean-up and maintenance) to almost $300. And all the tenants are now on month-to-month leases. It's frightening.

HUGE

2006-01-28T18:18:00.000-08:00

I went to the most amazing house I've ever seen to do an outcall massage. I mean, this was worth about $5million, overlooking the hills and canyon. Their driveway was so long it was like a street! The ceilings were almost cathedral they were so high and decorated. Her staircase had a room in it. You walk up a flight, get to the middle and it's a library, and then you go up again and you make it to the master bedroom. The master bathroom had a jacuzzi in it, a bathtub separate from the shower, and 2 sinks, AND a balcony. The teenager's bedroom had a walk in closet that is as big as my bedroom. The balcony in the picture above had a jacuzzi on it which is barely noticeable on the far right, covered by the drape. As soon as you walk into their livingroom hall (or whatever, the place you hang your coat and keys) and you look straight ahead they had a wine cellar and a fountain with water running. It was so serene. The left was the livingroom, but it was decorated with photographs and you could see that they used that room as a holiday room, because it was still decorated for the winter season. Their backyard was HUGE. They had 3 dogs who had their own kennel on the side of the house. Seeing things like that makes me want to better myself...for real.

Before I left the house I had to take a snapshot of the scenery, and this picture does not do the view any justice. It was so breathtaking. Above all those palm trees and homes in the background were beautiful mountains. I couldn't fit it all in the picture.

Now, on to the fun part of YESTERDAY...I knew I was going to do an outcall massage, so I took my car to the carwash. I started vacuuming the interior and I had my trunk wide open so I could toss things from the car into the trunk. Well, I recycle so I had a lot of bottles and cans that were just sitting in the trunk. This old man with a bag of bottles and cans walks passed my car and eyes my recyclables. He walked away and went to a trash can and looked in and saw nothing. He walked to another one and saw nothing. He walked back to my trunk and stopped and I guess he was tempted to grab, while my face was in my car vacuuming the trash off my backseat. Well, I could see through the little crack under my trunk and he was just standing there staring. So, I dropped the vacuum, got out of the car, stood up and stared at him. He looked at me, and I slammed my trunk down. I can't believe this guy was eying the JUNK in my TRUNK.

Tomorrow, I have a date with my husband. We never date.

Work and Vampire Slaying

2004-07-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

I had the awesomest dream. See, I'm obsessed with Hollywood vampires, not real live people who go around sipping blood out of cups like crazy people...but you know. I always have been. They are like this turn on...lusting over wanting to place their lips around your neck and sucking you dry.

Anyway, I was dreaming I was at work, and this futhermucking perverted Cholo dude decided to grab my breasts. I wasn't pregnant in my dream (had to add that in). I smacked the shit out of him and told him to get off my table and get the hell out. He said he was going to shower. I told him he could do that at home, but for now he needs to leave. He got dressed and I ran off into the office. I was holding the door with all my might, because we are not allowed to have locks. He pushes it open and I go falling. He smacks me on my face. So, I grab a tool, one of those metal things with a pencil attachment, and you make circles with it. What are they, protractors or compasses? Anyway, I stabbed him with the point of that, meanwhile he's hitting at me, so I'm cutting myself...I'm cutting him.

He leaves, but not before telling Martha (my daughter's old babysitter) how much of a fucking bitch I am and that I am a rip off. I was in the office looking at my blood. Everytime I squeezed my finger the blood drained black.

Suddenly, I'm in my home and Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is sitting in my computer chair, wearing a black leather jacket, and looking like a hot skinny white man. See, I'm not really into PALE or SKINNY, but that guy turns me on.

He tells me some insane vampiress is in town and because I am bleeding black, I'm the chosen one. It's a sign. So, I'm freaking out, like how the hell am I gonna beat a vampire?! He tells me he has to make me immune to vampire bites, but not to worry, he won't turn me into a vampire. At this point, I don't even care...do what you have to do.

He sits me on the floor, and puts his mouth to my wrist and sucks like he's giving me a hickey on my wrist. But it felt good, almost like my spirit was coming out or another one was going in and I had goosebumps all over me. It was totally erotic, the more he sucked the more I felt like pushing him off me and humping his sexy skinny self.

But anyway, he let me up and told me I needed penicillin, or anything with "cillin" in it. I go running to my medicine cabinet and find nothing I need. He said do you have eyedrops for Pink Eye? I went running back to the medicine cabinet, but the pink-eye medicine was out, the top was off. He said, "Forget it. I'll have to take your symptoms." He told me to stand in front of him. His legs were apart and I was standing between him, face to face. He blew slowly into my face, and then sucked the air, and I could see sparkly bits of all my bad viruses or bacteria leave my body and enter his mouth. He said, "Let's go."

We head out the door and are met by that red-haired Willow chick from Buffy. She's like "Buffy is gone, and you are the next Slayer". I'm thinking, you have got to be kidding me. So, while we're walking, Spike is holding my hand real tight, the bleeding and cuts were gone, and he is leading me down some street near a park. I think I'm in Fountain Valley, California. I felt somewhat like I belonged to Spike. He made me, or something. I wanted him to do me invisible like he did Buffy.

But, then here comes this floating being, with cuts around her neck, in a white dress stained with black blood. Spike walks on the street-side of the sidewalk, and Willow threw a glass Sprite bottle on the grass. The bloody vampire said, "You may want to pick that bottle up." I ran to pick it up, and the vampire disappeared. Spike said, "Find anything and use it as a weapon, especially wooden sticks." Of course a wooden stake, the top of a water-rotting fence was laying in the gutter between two parked cars. I grabbed it. I started twirling it like a baton, jabbing at the air, and pulling back like a fencer.

The bloody vampire was in the park. She was morphing into a male, wearing a turquoise shirt, the same pervert I beat up at work. Oh crap. So, I start jabbing the wood at him, just barely missing his chest over and over. The sun was either rising or falling, I couldn't tell, but it was causing Spike to flinch. I told him to put his jacket over his head. The Mexican vampire I was jabbing at, kept looking up at the sky because the sun was blinking on and off between the trees. He was getting scared. The second he looked away again, I stabbed him in the chest, felt it break off into his skull, and he fell back onto the grass, with his head hitting the cement.

I looked down at him and his body was turning into Spike's. I turned around and Spike was Angel (whom I am not attracted to). I woke up from a nightmare. LMFAO

Brush with Death

2004-06-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Question: Have you ever almost died?

Here's my experience with death from my sister's P.O.V., who is 12 years older than I am.

When I was a baby, I had a Mexican babysitter named Angel. She didn't speak any English at the time, and she had 2 little girls herself. One was 5 and the other was a few months older than I was. Mind you, I was an infant, not eating solid foods yet, not holding my head up on my own, and had no teeth.

I was born in November of 1977, and it was early January 1978. Christmas and New Year's just passed, so there was plenty of holiday candy left over. The 5 year old gave me a piece of hard candy. It went right down my throat and I turned from my natural yellow to pink, red, and finally purple. Angel didn't know how to call for help. All she could do was scream and her neighbor in front (that's how the homes are in some places in Long Beach: houses in the front with a house in the back on the same property) came outside, saw me lying there fighting for my life, and dialed 911. We didn't live too far from a hospital and their ambulance came to get me. They took me and got me to the hospital in all of 7 crucial minutes.

The candy wouldn't come out with infant Heimlich Maneuver. It was S-T-U-C-K: stuck! Their only other option was put something down my throat to dissolve it. It dissolved and I was breathing again after they put me on a respirator, but I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days.

That was my brush with death. Do you have one?

Life Goes On

2002-06-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

My daughter is going to graduate Preschool on Friday. They grow up so fast, and it scares me. In 5 years, she will be starting puberty! I could cry just thinking about it. 5 years went by fast, and I know the next 5 years will, too.

I gave BigDaddy $300 and he got my brakes fixed. He could only get 2 new rotars (spelling?), brake pads, and a tune-up. I'm still annoyed. The car still squeaks because the 2 roters that didn't get fixed. I guess I'll have to save up, with money I am slowly making at my SLOW job.

Things seemed so fast and upbeat in the middle of May. Now it's at a slump. Many of the massage therapists have been let go, because of licensing and others moved on. It's all new staff right now. Tif is coming to California, and she's spending some time with Melissa. I will be so bummed if they don't visit me, since Melissa is a hop, skip and a jump away.

FLUR is just around the corner. Can't wait. Last year's FLUR pics.

My mom and boyfriend had a falling out. I'm stuck in the middle. Life goes on.

Happy Birthday To You, You Live in a Zoo. You're No Longer 2.

2002-06-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

Today is my son's 3rd birthday. I can't believe three years has gone by so fast. We didn't have anything planned, no presents, no cake, no party, nothing. I called my boyfriend up, and he said he bought a bunch of toys for him. I called The Aquarium of the Pacific and their pricing and hours were PERFECT, so we ended up taking my son (and daughter) to the Aquarium. It was beautful, but stinky.

I really wanted to see the Lorikeets and get my photo taken with them. A bird bit the photographer, so she took off and I never got to take my picture. The birds were flying all over the place, and one just swept my hair, it was so low. It scared the hell out of me. We fed them nectar, and they were sitting on our arm, fingers, and even my daughter's hair. She freaked out and was saying, "GET IT OFF ME. GET IT OFF!" The bird was pecking at her braids. No wonder people have bird phobias.

I got my picture taken later, and they altered it so my head was on a Mermaid's body. It's so embarassing. I hadn't realized the picture would be shown to everyone walking by. It was on this LARGE screen above the store, and my head was on it. They showed us other pictures they took of our family, but I didn't like any of them. My kids were acting shy and wouldn't look at the camera, or take their fingers out of their mouths. Plus, I think I look so fat in the pictures. My boyfriend said I look "thick" and that's a good thing, but I think I could lose a couple ELL BEES.

I'm going to FLUR in August. I hear the weather gets to be 118 - 120 sometimes in Las Vegas. I'm scared. I hate hot weather. I get nosebleeds and whiny. I don't want to make a bad first impression, plus I'm bringing along other folks so I don't want to annoy them. *sigh*

What else is new? I don't know what else to say. Hm...later.

Try me, I'll make you see, no other girl got nothin' on me.

2002-05-31T02:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I talked to my friend "R" in Iowa. She seems to be doing okay. She was asking her mom how I looked, if I looked older, with crow's feet or smile lines. Her mom said, "Actually, I would card her. She doesn't even look 18!" R goes, "Psh...maaaan." And, that same day, a guy asked me, "How old are you, like 12?" I said, "Yeah, I'm 12. No, I'm really 24." He said, "I mean, cuz you don't even look old enough to be doing massages. You look like you are about 17." Well, wasn't I glowing all day long. How nice.

I've been having little fall-outs with this lady at work. She cheats on appointments, and makes them all seem like people are requesting her, when they aren't. She's very vindictive, and I think she is out to just ruin me, or something. Yesterday, she lied and I called her out on it in front of everyone. What happend was, she was in the massage room finishing up a massage. A walk-in client came in and "S" scheduled me with her. I took her to my room and told her to undress, remove jewelry and be under the sheet, face down, and I'll be back in a few minutes. Well, "M" gets out of her massage and goes to the front, sees there is a WALK-IN and erases her from my appointment. She goes, "I'm taking her. I opened today." See, the person who opens up shop and cleans the place before it opens gets the first 2 repeat or new customers. I WAS PISSED, because she was in a massage when I put the lady in my room. So, I said, "Wait a second. I OPENED the door this morning, and I cleaned." She said, "No, you didn't." I said, "YES, I DID."

I did. I opened up the place that morning, brought in the newspaper, took out the trash, and started to vacuum when she came in. She said, "I'll take over the vacuum." I let her. But, as soon as she started vacuuming, a client walked in and she took him that morning. She never finished cleaning up. I can't friggin' stand her, and I have complained to the manager.

So, today, I came to work and she was struggling with the laundry. I walked passed her like I couldn't give a shit. She wants to do the chores, so be it. I swear, if she asks me to help her, I am not helping for anything. She can kiss my pale yellow left cheek.

Then, this morning, I had a request, because the manager felt sorry for me and what happend yesterday. The client really didn't request me, but if someone is listed as a "REQUEST" then nobody else can take them. "M" pissed me off when the client came in. She said, "Have you been here before?" The lady said, "No." And M moved her off my column and into hers. She looked at me with that bitchy look and goes, 'She's NOT a request. She's NEW, so she is MINE, because I OPENED." I said, "Whatever." Then, I told the manager. She goes, "Oh my god. What a bitch. If it says REQUEST why even question. How fucking rude." Yeah, no kidding.

Alas, I noticed her little cross she wears around her neck, yet she's real greedy. Tch. What a front

In your eyes, I see my future in an instant.

2002-05-31T02:37:00.000-07:00

Today started off great, but ended kind of scary.

It began with work. On the way to work, I decided to grab a box of a dozen donuts. I got to work at around 8:45am. Work was extremely slow, but I was cool with that. My first client was a 30-something (maybe pushing 40, but in great shape) female, and she had been to the spa before. She seemed so thrilled with the massage, and even commented that it was better than someone else's that she used to be a regular for. I bet she'll become mine. *big grin*

Man, and I thought that I had some crazy massage stories. "S" at work came up to me, looking real serious. She said, "There's this really nice old lady, just real sweet and everything, but she's kind of random." I was like, "And?" She said, "Well, I went into the room and it reeked so bad, like maybe she farted. And, I began the massage, and it started stinking again. She then says, I'm sorry, I just farted. I was like, Oh My God. And she did it a couple more times and then apologized."

I about died. Now, THAT is sick. I remember when I was in massage school and this dude named JP used to break wind or burp. In fact, I used to write about him in 1998, in my journal.

Let's see. I came home around 5pm tonight. Nobody was home. I checked my answering service, and there were 5 messages. I saved a couple, deleted a couple, and then the last message scared the shit out of me. I didn't even let it finish. All I heard was, "Hi, this is TLC and we just wanted to inform you that [KBear] has been throwing up pretty bad, and he has a temperature of 104." I hung up and jumped in the car to the school. I was thinking maybe that's why BigDaddy wasn't home. Maybe he had taken our son to the emergency room. When I got to the school he was sleeping on the couch in some loaner clothes. I touched him and he was hot. He opened his eyes and said, "I'm thirsty." He got up and went to the water fountain. I wouldn't stop looking at him. I wasn't sure if I should rush him to the emergency room or just take him home.

I took him home. When we got in the house, I took his shirt off, shoes off, and set a sheet on the floor for him to lay on. I went to find something to bring his temperature down. I got a wet cloth and put it on his head, grabbed some Dimetapp and gave some to him. I massaged his back and scratched his scalp. I kept asking him if he was okay. His eyes were rolling up in his head, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was sleepy or if there was something wrong.

I called BigDaddy at the studio. Nobody there. I left a message. I called his work over and over, but kept getting busy signals or "We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number, and try your call again." I gave up.

I sat down next to my son. I patted his back some more, and then put a thermometer in his armpit, 101.4 degrees. Ugh.

BigDaddy came home. I ran outside, and told him, "The baby's sick. He's been throwing up and has a fever. I don't know if we should take him to the hospital." BigDaddy comes in the house and touches Little Man and said, "Let's just see if the fever goes down and if it doesn't then we'll take him."

Fortunately, my son's fever went down. He got up, ate, played, sang, danced...blah blah blah. He's doing fine. I've been watching him like a hawk though.

BigDaddy is so wonderful. He was talking to another massage therapist and she told him where to get a desktop massage face cradle. On the way home, he bought me one. Just out of the blue, surprised me with massage equipment. That's why he's my sweetie.

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.

2002-05-22T02:41:00.000-07:00

My boss brought some business cards into work, and posted them on the bulletin board. I've been looking for the place that was on the business cards but wasn't able to find it. So, today I took a lunch break with a friend/coworker, "G". We ordered some food from this place called El Camino Real. We walked over to the shop that was on the business card. I opened the door, and guess what?!!!
"Gwen?"
"[Eva]?"
My bestfriend "R's" mom and I ran into eachother and gave eachother a hug. It was HER store! I was looking for oils for Aromatherapy, because we incorporate it into our massages, plus, like my other best friend, Kristi, I am appreciating Celestial art. "G" and Kristi both collect celestial art. I've started to, because it looked cute in the store, but I wasn't into it. As soon as I saw it set up, oh gosh, it was beautiful.

Gwen's got a lot of good things. I just didn't have time to shop or chat, because I had to go back to work and "G" was chit-chatting. :( Anyway, it was good seeing her mom. We go way back...

Work was boring as hell. I went to sleep for an hour. How great of a job I have...I can sleep when it's slow. I asked the Doctor to get me a Vanilla Coke, cuz it's off the hook (tastes like Cream Soda), and he said yes. I waited for 2 hours, before he came back, and he forgot my soda. I was sleeping on the table, and he came into the room, and said, "You okay?" I said, "Yeah?" He was talking to me, but I couldn't comprehend what was being said. He goes, "You have a client in a few minutes." Everything was foggy, cuz I was half asleep, half awake. I got up about 10 minutes later. "T" comes into the room and goes, "Your client is ready." I go out and greet her. I was so tired.

I escorted the lady to the massage room. I told her to undress and remove all jewelry. Then I closed the door, and went to the employee lounge. "Y" goes, "The doctor forgot your drink. He felt so bad, he gave me money and I bought a bunch of sodas for everybody." I was like, "I don't need soda now. That was hours ago. Now, I just need water." Man, I hate that, when I crave something, don't get it until my craving is over.

Later on, 2 men selling toys and other stuff came in. One of the men spoke and he had such a thick "African" accent, I asked him, "Where are you from?" He said, "Uganda. You know where Uganda is?" I said, "Not really. I just know it's on the African continent." He said, "The east coast of Africa (AFREEKAH is how he pronounced it), by Tanzania, Kenya, and Sudan." I said, "Do you sell anything from Uganda? Like Christmas ornaments, blankets, music?" He said, "No. You want something from Uganda? When I go bock (he said BOCK instead of BACK) to Uganda, I will bring you something. It will not be for sale, but a GIFT." His voice was like James Earl Jones in Coming To America, deep and ethnic. I'm meeting people left and right, running into old friends, making new ones. Life is grand.

Well, let's see. Nothing really important happend afterward. I ate at L&L's Hawaiin Barbecue tonight. Loved it.

Om Nama Shivaya

2002-05-19T02:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went to work in the late afternoon and stayed till 7pm. BigDaddy's schedule has changed a little bit, so that means my schedule is changed, too.

When I got to work, I sat at the front desk, because all the other therapists were either 1) busy or 2) napping. A young man with a turban came in. I was busy with 2 other people, trying to get them in to see their therapists, when "G" asks the man in the turban, "Are you here for a massage?" He says in a Siek accent, "I am a fortune teller trying to help the poor people," or something. She said, "You're a fortune teller?" He said, "Do you believe in me?" She said, "I believe," and she grabbed his hand and took him to her massage room to talk with him.

After the 2 clients were taken care of, I went ahead and went to G's room to see what was going on. They were facing each other and she had her palm out and her tongue out. The man was reading her tongue, palm, forehead, etc. He wrote something on paper and told her to hold it. She held it. He asked again, "Do you believe? Tell me if you believe." She said, "I believe." He asked her to think of a color. She picked purple. He wrote it down on paper. He said to think of another color. She said red. He wrote it down on the same sheet. He said to pick another color. She said blue. He wrote it down under red. Then he said, "Cross off the one you don't like." She scratched out red. He said, "Cross off another one." She crossed off purple. That left blue. He circled blue. Then he said, "Pick of a number between 1 and 5." She said, "3". He wrote 3 down. And he circled 3 on the paper. He said, "Open the paper I gave you." She opened it. It was the number 3 and the color blue. She was FREAKED OUT. I was like, "Dang, that's good." He went into telling her about people in her life, by their initials, because I was standing there. He said, "I could tell you their name, but I know you will know who I am talking about if I just say their initial." And she was just awestruck at the things he had to say. At the end, he asked for a prayer and for a donation. She gave him what she could and then gave him a massage. She got his number and drove him home.

Now for me. I'm a skeptic. I believe in psychics and telekinesis, but I don't believe it till I see it. He knew I was not a believer. He turned to me and said, "Do you believe in me?" I said, "I don't know you enough to believe in you." He said, "Your spirit is good. Your heart is open." He scribbled on paper and folded it into 4 pieces and gave it to me. I put it in my pocket without looking at it. He said, "Tell me the name of a flower." I said, "Lavendar." He wrote it on paper. He said, "Another flower." I said, "Rose." He wrote it on paper. He said, "Tell me a number between 6 and 10." I said, "6." He said, "Tell me a number between 6 and 10 again." I said, "8." He said, "What number is between 6 and 8?" I said, "7." He said, "You say 7," and he wrote it down on paper and circled it. He put his hand into a bag, and pulled out a red clay bead. He handed it to me. He wrote on another paper, "Om Namah Shivaya," and handed it to me. He said, "Say this every morning 5 times." I said, "What's it mean and how do you pronounce it?" He said, "Ohm Nah Maw Shivv I yah. It is the name of God." I said, the words. He said, "Open your paper." I reached into my pocket, opened it up, and it said, "7, Rose." I was like, "Oh man, that's awesome." He never touched me. I did this from standing 3 feet away from him. He couldn't have transfered the paper into my pocket, for my pocket had a button on it, and it was down near my knee (a deep pocket). He said, "I come to you with pure heart. I'm a yoga man. My hair is long like yours. I am 20 years old. Do you want to help the poor children?" I said, "I have nothing but $20 to give to you, because my family comes first. I have bills to pay." He said, "I understand. You remember me. I don't give you my name. You remember I am the yoga man. I see your heart is good. I see you have good spirit. You see spirits. You will have success by October 2002. Say the words every morning."

I have not said the words this morning. I'm not skeptical of him. I believe in his forseeing, but I'm just not religious.

Upon internet research, the 3 words are the oldest mantra in the Siddha yoga lineage. Wow. I got ancient words in my hands.

Spiderman, Spiderman, your friendly, neighborhood Spiderman.

2002-05-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw Spiderman. It wasn't as GREAT as everyone seemed to make it out to be (at least that's my opinion). I wish I would have seen Unfaithful, instead. There is something about Kirsten Dunst that annoys the isht out of me. I think she looks about 30 years older than what she really is, and it just bugs me...or she reminds me of Marci, a girl I hated back in 5th grade. Perhaps.

This wierd fucker requested a massage from me. All I could think was fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck! Instead of the foot massage, I ended up doing a TAILBONE massage. This "spot massage" is ridiculous. I swear I don't want to massage him anymore. Of all the people to request me, WHY HIM?

Today, the doctor let me lay on his intersegmental traction table. It felt so good, but every time he would get ready to adjust me, either a patient or a client came in. I never got my adjustment, and he went home early due to food poisoning.

Well, I don't have anything else to TYPE. I'm sleepy

Mother's Day 2001

2002-05-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

It's Mother's Day. I've experienced 5 Mother's Days, now. I'd rather be at work, though, during this one. I'm bored as hell and don't want to be home. I didn't get anything for Mother's Day from anyone I know, not even a "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY." Thank you, Erica, for remembering me.

Two days ago, "H", an old massage classmate of mine, came to the spa I work at. I didn't want to massage him, because he and I do the same massage (we were in the same classes together), so I wanted him to try something different. I gave him to another massage therapist, my aunt. He knew I had a new baby (which is my, now soon to be 3 years old, son), and so I showed him pictures. He got his massage, even tipped my aunt afterward. I was ranting and raving about how nice and cool he was, and that I went to school with him, blah, blah, blah.

Come to find out, the next day, my aunt said he solicited sex. What the hell?! She said he said, "Massage here, if you want to earn a little extra cash," and he pointed down as his crotch. What an ass. I feel utterly disrespected, as he disrespected my aunt. I hate to feel this way, but I have lost respect for him.

I got my business cards! They are free, but I paid extra for mine, cuz I wanted mine customized for me. Anyway, I'm about to snatch up the free ones too. I also, am going to go to Staples and get more. I just want a variety. I'm weird like that.

On Friday, my mom watched my kids, and she did ALL MY LAUNDRY. Man, I feel violated! How embarassing. I really don't like when people go through my bedroom, or my dirty laundry. Oh well, clean clothes, towels, sheets, everything! Too bad, for BigDaddy. He now has pink socks and draws, cuz my mom washed his red shirts with white socks and draws.

Well, I need to jump in the shower. It's near 10am, and I want that fresh feeling. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

edit
BigDaddy said the kids got me cards and jewelry. I got a pocketwatch, a bellychain, and two anklets.
/edit

Bees, Bees, Bees, Bees Buzzin' in bushes, buzzin' in trees Buzzin' around, Wherever they please...

2002-05-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

Work was busy today. I was booked for the whole day. I didn't have any weirdos. I saw "G's" (a person I work with) boobs! *wide-eyes* I can't believe she showed her boobs to me and the other girls. Anyways...

Man, I friggin' HATE bugs (spiders, worms, and butterflies included). I am scared of them. I get the shivers just looking at them. Anyway, I was watering my grass, minding my own business, and then I see a swarm of what appears to be dandelion seeds flying...EVERYWHERE. I take a better look, because these dandelions (or seeds) are brownish orange. I take an even better look, and maybe they are junebugs. No, they are BEES. Millions of BEES, and I was standing in the middle of them. You shoulda seen me run my ass off into the house screaming. A grown-ass woman screaming like Freddy Krueger's coming for me. I get to the livingroom door, and BigDaddy is like, "WHAT IS GOING ON?" I said, "Oh my god, there's a million bees out there, and our car windows are open on both cars. I ain't going out there. Close the windows, tell the neighbors." He looks at me like I'm nuts. He goes outside and CALMLY closes the windows on both cars. I go running toward our neighbor's house, who had no bees, and they are looking out their window at me. I said, "There's a million bees flying in front of my house. I'm afraid to go near my cars."

I ran back into my house, called the operator, who forwarded me to 411, who forwarded me to Animal Control, who was closed. I called 411 for the police department, non-emergency, who gave me numbers to a bee-keeper. I called the bee-keeper and he's like, "You just have to wait for the bees to cluster into a ball. When they cluster, let me know, and then I can do something about it." BigDaddy comes in and he goes, "They bees are like a big ball on the neighbor's house." I told the bee-keeper. Then I said, "Let me go tell my neighbor, and I will give him your number, since it's on his house." So, I get enough gall to walk over to his house and tell him. He's like, "I saw them, and thought they were termites, but I looked again and they were bees, so I pushed my garage door button to close my garage door." I gave him the number to the beekeeper.

I went back home, and realized my hose was still on, so I finished watering the grass, and went back in the house. BigDaddy left, came back with our kids, and I made them stay in the house. I told my daughter and son they were not allowed outside, that there were bees out there. My daughter threw a fit, and wanted to go outside and play. So, I took her to Carl's Jr, got food and let them play in the play-yard.

I bought a newspaper, and my dang Public Notice is still not in the paper. I think I will call the OC REGISTER, and ask, "WHAT IS UP????"

I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully

2002-05-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

He: "I'm sorry for taking away your time with your man."
Me: "It's okay. It's he was talking about going to the movies, and instead, he took us to the studio."
He: "Yeah, there's a lot of shit going on right now, and he's trying to do good by you. He ain't trying to make you mad."
Me: "Yeah, okay."

Journey said it: "And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be..." Ain't that the fuccin truth? I get to the point where I want to just end it all, because I miss him so much, and I get so angry and lonely when he's not here. I go to work, and all I think about is I want to come home and hug and kiss my man, but it doesn't happen that way. I don't know how other people do it, having boyfriends in the entertainment business. He's here for a minute, and then he's gone for hours.

Last night, I dreamt of a tornado storm again. I was standing on a beautiful beach, and I was waiting for a bus full of tourists to arrive. Suddenly, the bus was right in front of me, and then it started to rise in the back, and sink in the front (think of the Titanic ship). Right under it was a tidal wave, and behind the wave, way off in the distance was about 8 twisters coming my way. I sometimes wonder the significance of my dreams are. People have sent me links to dream dictionaries, but every dictionary says something different. I don't rely on what someone else has to say about the way I feel anyway. The tornados are scary though. It's nightmarish, and then I wake up before the tornado hits me.

Work is really tiring me out. I've been coming home, exhausted and irritable. I can't help it.

My webcam is back to working. I had to reinstall the software, and now it works fine. The only problem I'm having, is with the lighting. My lamp is too bright, but if I don't use a lamp, then the images come out extremely dark. Eck.

I don't know what to say. Life is back boring, now that BigDaddy isn't on vacation anymore.

Business Expo

2002-05-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

Let's see, a couple days ago, I was offered a job as a cocktail waitress in a Mariachi bar (dancing, live bands, pooltables, and beer). I'd make $10 an hour, plus tips, and my job would be to waitress during the evenings and close shop. I don't know, but it sounds GREAT. I'm a little bit afraid of drunk men, because of past experiences, but the money is sweet-talking me. I asked Phaze and he told me to just check it out as a guest and see if I like it. I just might take his advice.

Last night, we saw SCORPION KING. I liked it. I've seen all the "mummy" movies. I enjoyed all of them.

Today, work was slow, and after work, I went to a business expo where we gave away 2 minutes free massage, and $1 a minute afterward. People are such cheapskates. They come for the 2 minute massage, give no tip, nor do they want to pay you for any extra minutes. *middle finger*

I was running to the car, and a bunch of Marines stopped me, being all flirty. "Hey, are you a massage therapist?" one asks. "Yeah," I reply. "I'll be over in a little bit, with my friends." "Oh, alright," I say and start walking off. I get so shy, and giddy. Marines look good in their uniforms. :)

Later on, "G" and I went to Mickey D's and we were talking about our bodies, stretchmarks, having babies, men, older men. When I first met her, I thought I wouldn't like her, me and my prejudices. But, I have realized she's just like me in lots of ways. By the way, I think she looks Egyptian, like a Cleopatra-type.

I've been exhausted, lately. Just really tired, and I have been knocking out as soon as I lie my head on the pillow.

I am in desperate need of relaxing, meditative music. I have started a collection already. I have 3 CD's, and am looking for more. I wonder if anyone can offer me tips on good CD's. I really like Native American flutes and rain water sounds.

Vampire

2002-02-25T02:56:00.000-08:00

It was a frosty, full-moon night, and I was in my nightdress, walking down a corridor. I do not know where I was, but it seemed I was on a balcony of a Spanish bastion, and beneath was a commons area. A striking, yet, pallor Caucasian man, with a laissez-faire suit was approaching me. I was not frightened, but drawn in to his insistent eyes, for they were unswervingly looking back into mine. His gait was expeditious, but everything else was in slow motion. And with a sudden quickness, he was face to face with me. I was looking up at him. He was looking down at me. He grabbed my chin with his right hand, which I noticed had unusually long, sharp nails.

He said, “Lady, you can live forever, or you can die. Which do you prefer?” I said, “Live forever.” He said, “As you wish, “ and he turned my face to my left. I closed my eyes, and felt the immeasurable pain from the puncturing of his teeth into my jugular artery. I felt my pulse get slower, slower, and I suddenly exhaled all my breath. He laid me on the corn-colored and cobalt tiled floor. I levitated, and he seized hold of my hand, pulled me to an upright position, and said, “I will teach you everything you need to suffice in this new life.”

He disappeared. Voices, so deafening, startled me. Nobody was there, though. Curious, I walked to the railing of the balcony, and looked down into the commons. I saw a couple, a man and woman. They were studying under the moonlight, and I could hear everything they said. I could hear the leaves blowing in the wind, falling to the grass. I could hear the magician, who converted me, hungrily breathing in the tree above the couple. The man said, “I will be right back.” The young lady said, “Okay.” Without a sound, the magician swooped down and twisted the woman’s neck, hand over mouth, looked at me, and suckled her soul. Crimson red, gleaming in the moonlight, and his eyes lured me to the festivity. In a split second, I was standing above them, looking at her lifeless body, and his full spirit.

The vampire said, “My name is Savorious. I am your teacher, your creator, and your confidant. You have to prey like this forever.” I kneeled and touched the woman’s face. She was still warm, and I felt awful. What I have I become?

I felt hunger pain in my entire body. Savorious said, “I feel your pain. Hide. Your prey is approaching.” The man was walking toward his girl friend. The way her body was positioned made her seem peacefully asleep. Her friend said, “Hey?” I stepped out behind him, grabbed his neck the way Savorious showed me, and I felt my teeth cut through my gums. I said, “You may live forever or die. Which do you prefer?” The man was taken aback. Savorious, was standing directly in front of him, looking him dead in the eyes, and my bodily pain worsened. I sank my teeth into the back of his neck, missing his main artery. I tasted the blood, licked my lips, and the man was not dead. Savorious laughed and said, “You need more than that to kill your pain. Taste more till your soul is full.” I licked the back of the man’s neck, till it was clean of blood, and I repierced him, sucking till every drop of soul was in me.

I dropped the man to the grass. I looked up at Savorious and said, “Teacher, how often should this be done?” He said, “Do it before you feel pain.” I said, “May I eat what I like?” He said, “Yes, you do this only for filling your soul. Eat what you like, but remember to feed your soul before you feel weak.” He said, “Let’s go back upstairs.” I felt ice-cold wind blow through my nightgown, and suddenly we were inside the building. We walked through a dim living room, and passed a mirror. I could see my reflection and I said, “Why do I see my reflection?” He laughed, “This is not television. This is not Transylvania. This is not a famous novel. You are flesh. You can see yourself. You resemble a mortal, for you were born one.”

“This is your room. We don’t sleep in coffins, and we can withstand sunlight. You have the best view of the east wing. You have a beautiful bed, which has been in our immortal family for 400 years. Whenever the full moon shines directly into your window, it is a reminder of this day you were reborn. I promise you will enjoy this life.”

I could hear lovemaking noises in another room. It sounded so near, and extreme. Savorious was no longer there. I was still in my nightgown, and began treading the hallways, learning my way around this mansion. The sounds of passionate love were even more eminent. A fireplace was dancing out of control to the sounds of love. I stopped in a doorway, and saw a man’s backside to me, and a set of woman’s legs wrapped around him. My eyes zoomed in and I could see he had deep gashes in his back from her sharp fingernails. He turned his head back at me, and it was Savorious. He smiled and said, “This is my wife.” Her eyes shined bright at me, lured me in closer toward them. She said, “Welcome to the life.”

I woke up to my alarm clock BUZZING at 7:00am.

That's Life

2001-10-29T01:52:00.000-08:00

My computer is being a turd. 2 nights ago my computer got a virus or just finally crashed. Anyway, my programs don't work or they just don't work right. I don't know what happend. We couldn't even get into Windows and when my genius of a boyfriend finally did get us into Windows he was only able to restore the computer back a few months. So, I had to download Yahoo, MSN, AIM, an updated version of IE (IE6). I lost my FTP, ZIP, saved email addresses, webcam... My webcam works on Yahoo. But it can't be read from other programs. It's weird. I downloaded like 5 freeware cam softwares and it'll start working, and then it will say it can't find my camera. WTF? Oh well. We'll figure it out. For now, my cam is stuck on this silly picture of me in a wig.

As for other things...

I hate being told by my kids' school that I owe them from a previous balance. Shit's irritating, especially when we had to get cosmetic surgery done on my son because of an injury he got at school, and I really think it's their fault. They can blame my son being a toddler and tripping over his own feet, but THEY shouldn't have had him running in class or let some other kid chase him in class, and maybe THEY shouldn't have had that stupid shelf right there where he could fall. Yeah, really it isn't anybody's fault...but still, he fell cuz he was a toddler and he fell on THEIR floor and busted his nose open, and honestly, they are responsible for him.

Geez...I went back to that link about my son's injury and I think about my dad. My dad was still alive at that time. My former computer hadn't yet crashed then either. Just remembering some moments...

Thinking of my dad. I had a dream about him yesterday. I would have blogged about it but I couldn't surf the net that well. IE kept freezing up. Now it moves super fast. Anyway, I dreamt I was standing over 3 graves, relatives' graves. My dad's spirit rose out of the center grave (he's not buried in real life) and he was suddenly in flesh form...alive. Right there... I don't recall talking to him. I just remember he rose out of the grave and then someone else in flesh form (could have been a spirit) came out of nowhere. I turned around to see if my dad knew him, but my dad wasn't there anymore. This person spoke to me. He said, "Are you Tom's daughter?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "I'm Willy. An old friend of your dad." I have never met anyone named Willy in my life. Anyway, this guy's face was dark tan with some wrinkles, like Marlboro Man. He had a plaid flannel on, dark blue jeans, and sandy blond hair. He was tall, about 6'2" and really thin. He said, "Your dad and I were friends as kids. His mom didn't like me." I was like, "Okay..." I didn't care. In my dream, I started walking through a beautiful graveyard. It had a nice fountain in it, the kind where the angel is spitting the water into the pond part. And around me was green grass and graves. And in the distance was a building, so I walked toward it, and I'm thinking it was a church and mass was in session. And this is the part where I forget what happens...So, end of story.

I'm staying offline for today, because I have tons of cleaning to do before I get too tired. My boyfriend will have to fix the computer.

In the meantime...IE6 is out.

Smooches Kamal

2001-10-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, Kamal, has bought me HOSTING for my early birthday present. I am so gratful. My quote to him, "I owe you one." Kamal is someone I've known since April 1998. I first signed his guestbook while he was in New York having a birthday *wink*. His online presence has been a blessing. And, I appreciate him renewing my hosting for me.

Anyway, today was my first day at work. It was kind of awkward. I was overwhelmed with so much. I learned to take blood pressure. I'm new so sometimes I don't hear the blood pressure on the first try. I think I have made some friends though. These girls in the front office are sweet.

I have had this migraine headache all day long. So, this evening I went to the grocery store and bought some cold/flu medicine. I don't know what I have. My nose is stuffed (AGAIN), throat hurts, and my head is throbbing. Both my kids and man have conjunctivitis (pink-eye). *sigh* We are always getting sick!

I'm having a munchies moment. I am drinking Cherry Coke, water and eating some glazed Pop-ums. I haven't eaten nutritiously all day.

I'd write more, but my head is hurting. Set your clocks back an hour.

One Through Seven

2001-10-26T01:57:00.000-07:00

I start work tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but I was welcomed to the "Family." I have many things to mention...

1) Boogieon.com is going ot expire on November 1, 2001. It's $35 that I don't have. $35 is not a lot when you have money, but I'm holding to all the pennies I have for more important things (ie kids school, gas money, food)

Here's the umpteenth notice I have received:
Hello Valued Hosting Client.

*48 hour upgrade special* Upgrade to NoMonthlyFees 2.0 in the next 2 days and receive a free $25 account add-on. To qualify all you have to do is pay the $70 annual fee on Friday October 26 or Saturday October 27. After you have made your payment send an email with your domain name and payment transaction number to:
free-ad-on@nomonthlyfees.com

Here is the INVOICE for your NoMonthlyFees.com web hosting account and domain name annual maintenance fee:
1. UPGRADE to NoMonthlyFees 2.0 now: $70 Annual Domain Registration/Maintenance Fee. (Best Value!)
OR
2. Renew your current NoMonthlyFees 1.0: $35 Annual Domain Registration/Maintenance Fee.

You can see all the details and make your payment here:
http://nomonthlyfees.com/billing/pay_annual_fee.htm

If you need to mail a check or money order see the details here:
http://nomonthlyfees.com/mail_payment.htm

Payment Due By : 2001-11-1

Your hosting account will be suspended and deleted if we do not receive payment by the due date. Your business is important to us. If you have any questions or you need to make alternate payment arrangements, please contact us.

NoMonthlyFees Billing Dept.

It feels almost like losing a part of me...so I think I'm gonna just go ahead and print out my favorite blog posts and the page about my dad.

2) My best friend Rebecca is going through so much right now. I am worried about her. She wrote me a letter and she's in the same boat as me financially, but the worst part is...she has a tumor in her brain. I am so scared for her. Being broke and suffering medically is awful. And she seems so sad all the time...it hurts that I can't be there for her.

I'm always thinking about me. I totally forgot her birthday was yesterday. I was so busy thinking about how I want to celebrate mine. Anyway, Rebecca has got to be one of the most caring people out there. She dedicated her life and energy into counceling troubled teen girls. And, she recently lost her job. Enough about her personal business, but I feel compelled to speak about her, since she's my friend. I feel like my troubles aren't as bad as hers, when I thought I was going through a living hell.

3) GOLDIE sent me another letter and package. I notice that all the Priority Mail envelopes I recieve have cuts in them. I wonder if it's the post office doing their Anthrax inspections? I don't mind it, since we're trying to be cautious about things.

It contained 2 books, one GOLDIE wrote and a Dream Analysis book. I have had lots of dream books, but this one was beautiful. It had art in it...pictures. I love pictures. I have yet to look through both books.

4) I'm getting tons of mail lately since the spas closed. Everything is forwarding here. Magazines that we weren't ALLOWED to have such as STUFF, DETAILS, FIT PREGNANCY...and even magazines I don't recall such as ELECTRONIC GAMING and YAHOO INTERNET LIFE. It's all good though...lots of sexy pics that remind me of Huny's chick layouts. LOL

5) I am back in touch with Joe. His conversation makes me happy on my down days.

6) Tons of parties this weekend...and I'm not invited. *pout* Even if I was I wouldn't be able to go. I stopped by Melissa's store, yesterday, to check out the yoga pants. Girlfriend's pants are expensive! $44 a pair. I went to Targét and saw similar pants for $15. I didn't buy either kind. I ended up going to Walmart and buying scrubs, cuz I'm too lazy to find a medical supply store. If you have scrubs to spare (size medium/petite)...holler. *wink*

7) I donated things to my kids' school, even though I don't have things. I donated toys and a toddler bike. The school got broken into and all the toys in one of the sheds were stolen which included, tricycles, push toys, balls, and other playground equipment. That is wrong! How can someone steal from children? The coldhearted people.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to wash my laundry.

Jizzob

2001-10-25T01:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a busy day that I hadn't had a chance to write about things.
I went on a third interview yesterday and I got the job no doubt about it. I knew I had the job since the first interview. Anyway, I start on Saturday. I have all kinds of things to buy (yoga clothes, scrubs, shoes), and I haven't any idea where to get this stuff. My mom gave me a hundred dollars to start. She got a new job herself and so did my aunt.

My birthday is coming up on November 28. I'll be 24. I sure don't feel 24, but I never felt 23, 22, or 21 either. I feel older. I vibe with older people anyway. Since I was 17 I've been with an older crowd. I started college at 17, and the first person I met was 25 and in the Navy. And the second person I met was 23 and came to California from Hawaii. While going to college and juggling homework and friendships, I met a 34 year old named Mark and a 23 year old named Abdul. And then I met my man who was 24 at the time. He'll be 31 in April. Time flies so fast. Since all the crap that has happened in my life so far, transitioning from 17 to parenthood, I just feel like I have grown about 20 years older. Oh, and older men are riper. AHAHA

Anyway, I am babbling. Back to birthday. I have never had a birthday party in my life. Maybe if I have money by the time my birthday comes, I'll THROW MYSELF one...yes, take myself to a restaurant and invite friends. Just so I can say I've had a party, even if I had to throw it myself! I swear. I hate that I have never had a party before. Most people have milestone parties (1, 13, 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60+). But, then again, maybe it won't happen this year. 25 sounds like a milestone year, also just sounds like a party year. LOL

When trickdaddy (as GOLDIE likes to call him) comes home, I'm going to look for scrubs and yoga gear. *whine* I don't want to go shopping! I just want to chill all day. Scrubs are tacky...yoga clothes, I can hang with that.

Okay, gotta go. Need to get my daily chat on before I get offline.

Dad's Car

2001-10-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

I dreamt about my dad again. It felt real from sounds to smell. I don't recall where I was but it was in a neighborhood, perhaps where lots of townhomes are. In my dream, I was sitting in the passenger's side of my dad's junky car that he had when I went to Michigan last year. The car reeked of cigarettes as it did in real life. I was car sick, like I always get when my dad drives. My dad said, "I have to stop the car. I'm gonna puke." I jumped out of the car, stood facing away from the car, so I wouldn't see him vomit. I could hear it splash and hit the ground. I could smell it. I was nauseous. A brunette woman was walking to her home with a blonde haired boy, about 2 years old. She looked grossed out. I started pacing on the sidewalk, and my dad said, "I need you to drive. I'm too sick." I said, "How am I supposed to drive? You puked on the side of the car that I need to get in." I walked toward his side of the car, and I was thoroughly grossed out at the site of all this vomit. I ran down the street in horror, and I feel like I was in a rec-room (pool table, soda machines). I was looking out the door, and my dad was walking toward this room I was in. He said, "Come on. The ground is clean now. Some lady washed the ground. Let's go. I'll drive."

I headed out toward the car. I didn't want to go back in the car. And, then my dream stopped there. I don't remember the rest, if there was a rest.

Our Day

2001-10-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

I should be asleep but my blournal summoned me from my bed. I spent the evening crying, thinking about what Kevin did to me on October 21, 1995. 6 years later, and I am still thinking about it, crying so hard my lower lids are puffy, my nose is so stuffed I have to breathe out of my mouth, and my lips are beyond chapped.

A few hours ago, my man was snuggling up against me and I turned away from him like he was a stranger. I literally pushed away from him, turned over, and wrapped the blanket around me so tight that my arms and hands went numb. He didn't realize I was crying, until I started sniffling. Since when do I cry? I cry all the time. I explained 3 hours later what I was crying about, right before he has to go to work. And he said, "Don't celebrate that day. Don't think of it as the day you got raped. Think of it as OUR day."

Before he left he kissed me, something we never do (don't know why, but we aren't an affectionate couple), and then he went to work. I went back to bed, kinda awestruck, couldn't get back to sleep. Here I am, trying to savor the moment, typing it out...

Our day...

To Do List:
Go to grocery store early in the morn
Wash blankets
Call City of T U S T I N
Go to DMV (I keep saying this)
Buy Stamps
After all errands...Family Time

His cologne is still lingering... Going to bed in bliss.

edit
Bummer, I called the city to see about licensing. I need 1000 hours to work in Tustin, and I only have 500. I contacted the Doctor and he said, "Well, I'll hire you as a doctor's assistant then. We'll make you an intern until you get your next 500 hours."

So, it's all good. Everything the doctor is going to train me to do, others go to school for, but I'll be getting paid to learn. I'm excited.

As for me, my head is aching. I have a migraine. Excedrin is about to be my new lover.
/edit

Busier than a Bee

2001-10-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

Today was a long day. I can't even remember all that we did. The first thing I did this morning was go to "Checks Cashed" (I don't have a bank account). Second thing was we went to Baskin Robbins (the daddy paid), and I ordered a banana split with Jamoca Almond Fudge, Strawberry Cheesecake, and French Vanilla. It was gross. I should have just had a simple ice cream cone, but my eyes are bigger than my stomach at times. After that, we went to Carl's Jr. for the sole purpose of the play area. LMAO The kids had a ball, until someone's kid pushed my son down the slide when he wasn't ready and ended up making him hurt himself. I was annoyed, and you know, I had to go off on SOMEONE. I grabbed my son, turned around and faced everyone and said, "One of y'all's kid just pushed my kid down the slide. Somebody needs to check theirs." I took my son to a table and told him to, "Shake it off." So, he stopped crying and went back to playing. After that, we went to Walmart. I was looking at the Scrubs. They are from $12.something - $15.something. I'm a penny pincher, so I'm thinking I'll shop around somemore.

I went home and as soon as I got in the door, brrrrrrrriiiiiing. The phone was ringing. I run to check the caller ID. It was the doctor! YES....love to get calls from him! He goes into telling me that I need to check out the licensing in the city on Monday, and then give him a call. I asked, "How much is it usually?" He said, "Don't worry about it. I'll pay for it," pause, "I want to tell you something. I got rid of my other massage therapist. I want to make sure that you are 100% interested." My retort was, "Yes. Yes, I'm very interested." Of course. So, we hung up after chit-chatting about business. I'm excited. He wants to train me in EVERYTHING...where I become a medical assistant. You know, people PAY to learn that in school. I will be learning from a doctor and getting PAID to learn. Cool beans.

Lessee...my mom pulled up out front. I was like, "Oh lord...time to go to bed." I went to my room and pretended to be asleep. I told my boyfriend to tell her I was sleeping if she asked for me.

And to answer GOLDIE'S question: did you get the CAR??? The car is mine. Unfortunately, she cannot find the Pink Slip, so I'm gonna have to figure out what to do on Monday. I have ERRANDS to run on Monday...licensing (price?, mail?, get it myself?), call the doctor, and go to DMV. Woo-hoo. Things are moving pretty fast!